The Daylight
by Gr8BigNerd
Summary: Squeal to "Remember December" though it will stand alone if you make it. This story has been on hiatus for a VERY long time, but it is finished now. I began this before Season 6, so none of the events on the show this year have happened in this story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is what happened...I started this story and had an idea in mind about where I wanted to go...but it took me too long to get there and as it turned out the actual show was going in a similar direction (except for the whole hallucinating sex business). So I have decided to completely revise this story, and start from scratch (sorry if that annoys you, but I think this one is much better). I plan to end up in pretty much the same place I had intended but I'm having this story take place beginning about four months after "Both Sides Now' and from there it will kind of go off on it's own. I will post two chapters tonight and one or two more tomorrow, but I always love to know what you guys think... (Hint: review this shit...)

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**The Daylight**

**Chapter One **

_Everything comes from fear and sex. You can know everything about a person; you can understand them completely, if you know these things. What scares you; what turns you on? For me it's all the same thing. Everything is about Cuddy. My lust made me want to impress her, made me dream up a life where I could posses her in every way. My fear made me push her away, made me self-destruct. Made me lose my mind. Fear and sex. And love…. _

Cuddy waved Wilson into her office, and nodded into the phone against her cheek. "No I understand Dr. Myer. Dr. House hasn't given up his practice; he's just taking an extended sabbatical."

Wilson frowned. In their efforts to keep House's condition a secret from everyone who didn't absolutely need to know, Cuddy once again took the lead and lied for him.

"No, I can't predict when he'll be back, but if your patient is still alive then, I'm sure Dr. House will be very interested." Cuddy hung up the phone quickly and shook her head. Wilson grunted a laugh.

"You're starting to sound like him," he told her.

She smiled a little bit and leaned back in her chair. "That's not something to be proud of. What's up?"

"Did you know he's getting ready to be discharged in a couple of days?"

Cuddy's eyes widened for the briefest moment, elated. But then she lowered her head. "How could I know?" She asked almost bitter. "You. Cameron and Chase. Dr. Hadley. Everyone who has been out to see him says he's doing better; he's in pain, but he's going to be fine. I've gone two dozen times in the last few months at least and every single time I get turned away at the door."

It was Wilson's turn to let his stare drop to the floor. "It's hard for him."

"Why?" She was almost pleading.

"Cuddy, because…" Wilson looked around for answer but didn't have one to give. "You represent everything in his life he thinks he can't have."

**

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**

House leaned his head down on the small desk in his small room. It was more like a cell than a bedroom. Dark, enclosed, restricted. He lined up three pills he had to take twice a day now. Anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and a muscle relaxant. No narcotics. And once he left here tomorrow, no life to speak of.

A tap and his door disturbed his reverie and he sat up in his chair. Dr. Mason Kelly pushed open the door and peeked inside the room. "You haven't taken your medications," he observed.

"No." House said. He looked up at Mason Kelly. "You don't have to keep coming here," he said. "I just came to see you because you were far enough away that people wouldn't find out. But if you were any good you would've seen this coming." House pushed each pill around the desk in turn and scratched a hand across his days old scruff. Every now and then House could still feel the way her fingers scraped across his jaw. He could feel how afraid she was for him.

"How could I have?" Mason asked him. "I saw you every week for months and you lied to me every step of the way."

"And now you feel responsible, I am so sorry," his sarcasm never wavered.

"Why don't you want to take your medication?" Mason asked.

House stared at the wall in front of him, occasionally letting his eyes drop to the line of pills on the desk. Mason Kelly was the psychiatrist he had started seeing after Cuddy's kid's simchat bat. He was trying to find a way to change; to deal with his pain. To be the kind of man she'd want a life with. Unfortunately being him, he wanted to control the process, to share selectively; and things just didn't work like that. But since he admitted himself here four months ago Mason Kelly had been a regular presence. As much as House hated to admit it, this man did have a way of making him open up that few people possessed.

"I can't practice on antipsychotics. Off them I see dead people, and have imaginary sex, so clearly I can't practice if I stop taking them either." He glanced over at Mason. "I—I don't know what I'm gonna do now."

"You want to stay longer? Just say the word, and I'll resend you discharge order."

House shook his head. "No. There's nothing else I can do here."

"I agree," Mason pulled a chair up next to House. "but there is another option." House looked over and raised his eyebrows. "Stop all medications."

"Excuse me?'

"Greg, your psychotic break was a result of a combination of prolonged drug abuse, brain trauma, and post-traumatic stress. You've detoxed. We've been dealing with the events that caused this to happen. In your case, this is a temporary condition, something that was caused by external forces. It isn't a neurological disorder."

"And what if it starts happening again?"

"As long as you stay away from the opiates, and barring any further trauma, I don't believe it will. But it's your call. You want to keep taking the meds, I'll keep prescribing them and you can spend the rest of your life watching medical dramas on tv instead of being a doctor. Or you can decide that you are going to be stronger than you think you are."

House stared at the line of pills on the desk again before sweeping them into the palm of his hand. He shook them there and gauged their weight. Heavy. He extended his fist out to Mason and dropped the pills into his hand.

Mason smiled and stood up. "Oh by the way," he said stopping at the door. "The desk clerk told me that Dr. Cuddy stopped by again yesterday."

House clenched his jaw. "I know."


	2. Chapter 2

**The Daylight**

**Chapter Two  
**

House stood in the center of his apartment. He hadn't let go of his suitcase; hadn't even decided if he would stay. He took a cab home early that morning before Wilson could get there to pick him up.

They had come and cleaned the place up for him, swept for drugs, the whole lot. He randomly wondered how much time Cuddy had spent in his home while he was not there. And how the hell she got a key.

He sat down his suitcase and stepped over to the piano. He opened the cover and tapped at the keys. The sound reverberated against his walls, and he took a deep breath. His leg hurt.

A few hours later the knock came. Wilson would be angry. House pulled a blanket over him and rolled onto his side in the bed. Harder more persistent knocking. He sat up and put pressure on his leg. He stared at the bottle of aspirin on his nightstand and rolled his eyes.

Louder knocking. "Nobody home," he mumbled. But he grabbed his cane anyways and moved through the hall to his front door. He peered through the hole and saw Wilson's frustrated face waiting for him there.

"I was sleeping," he said as he opened the door, but the second he did he regretted it. Wilson stepped out of the way and revealed Cuddy standing behind him. For a brief moment House's heart jumped into his throat. He hesitated long enough that it was too late when he tried to slam the door shut. They had already pushed past him into his living room.

"Why the hell didn't you wait for me this morning?" Wilson asked. House cursed under his breath. When he shut the door and turned back to face them, Cuddy was leaning against the back of his couch, her arms crossed in silent frustration. House glanced between them.

"Because," he said. "I didn't want to see anyone." His stare fixed on Cuddy and his grip tightened on his cane. "What are you doing here?" he asked her.

But Wilson answered instead. "We wanted to make sure you got home okay. And I wanted to make you dinner. You probably haven't eaten." He was nodding slowly and he spoke edging his way into the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry." His tone was harsh and his stare never left Cuddy.

"Too bad," she finally spoke. "You have to take care of yourself."

"I'm not your concern anymore," he nearly spat at her. "You fired me, remember?" He moved around her to sit on the couch, before he collapsed.

"Is that why you wouldn't see me?" She sat down on the other side of the couch, still too close for his comfort. He didn't answer her, but pressed down on his thigh. "Fine," she said. "You're un-fired."

"Then I quit," he said. Wilson stood in House's kitchen straining to listen to them. He took a step into the living room.

"You don't have any food in there," he said. "You'll have to go to the store tomorrow. Tonight I'll go get some takeout." He was nervous and it came through clear in his awkward movements and rapid delivery. He worried that it was too soon for the two of them to work through this stuff. But House needed to come back to work, to get his life as close to normal as he could. And to do that, he had to deal with Cuddy. Wilson pulled his keys from his pocket. "I'll be back," he mumbled and then disappeared out the door, leaving the two of them in an angry deadlock.

Though once alone, House was overcome with an irrepressible impulse to whip her up in his arms, and he didn't know why. He almost did, but was stopped short when she stood up and crossed to the other side of the room. He clenched his fists, and wondered if it really was her that made him lose his mind. He couldn't settle inside himself even now if he wanted to kiss her or throttle her.

"I didn't know you were sick," she said, biting back tears, and pacing the room in front of him. "If you just would've told me that night…it I hadn't walked out…"

He agreed.

"Why didn't you let me come see you?" She persisted, but he ignored her. "Was it because of what you hallucinated?"

This got a reaction. He wasn't sure how much she knew, or how much Wilson had told her. Possibly that he thought he'd detoxed and that they had slept together. What else? That he wanted to be with her? That he shouted from the ramparts of their affair, because he loved her and he wanted her to admit that she loved him too? He blinked. "I was delusional," he said. "I'm not anymore."

She moved in front of him and dropped down onto the coffee table. She took hold of his arms and forced him to look her in the eyes. "In your fantasy you wanted me to be the woman that saved you; the one who took away the pain. But I can't." She gripped him tighter when he tried to look away. "I can't save you House. And, it's not fair for you to expect me too and then take it out on me when things start to fall apart. Especially when you hold so much back."

She let go of his arms but still held onto his gaze. "It is your fault," he mumbled. "You have no idea how hard I tried to change, to be better. For you."

"Why don't you just try being yourself? I've never had a problem with that before." He raised an eyebrow at her, in mock disbelief. "Well maybe I have had problems with you, but I'd never trade you for anyone. You should know that by now."

House brushed over her cheek with shaky fingers and pushed a lock of hair behind her shoulder. "I'm in pain," he said simply. "I don't know if I'm I'll be able to come back."

"You will," she said. "When you're ready. Or when you get bored enough." A smile slipped past him. "Please," she said. "Just don't shut me out."

House exhaled, and leaned back on the couch away from her. "Well do you want me to be myself or do you want me to not shut you out?" His soft smile told her he was done being angry for the time being.

"I'm confident you can do both," she said. She stood up and started toward the door. "Tell Wilson I'll see him in the morning."

"You're not staying?"

Cuddy shook her head. "I think I should go."

"Why?"

"Because," she said. "I recognize that look and I think you're still too unhinged to be kissing anyone right now."

This time he didn't even try to hide his smile. And as she closed the door behind her, House thought for the first time that maybe he didn't have to lose everything.


	3. Chapter 3

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A/N: Thanks so much for the great reviews! I'm glad you guys are getting into this. Here is the next bit. Also, when I revised the story a notice was sent out for chapter two but not chapter one for some reason. If you haven't read from the beginning, you might want to...it is a short bit but important to understand what will be going on in the rest of the story. Anyways...enjoy.

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**The Daylight**

**Chapter Three **

"You need to go back to work." Mason Kelly took his glasses off of his nose and cleaned them with his tie. The two men where both right around the same age, but while House's exterior showed the ragged and trying stressors of his interior, Mason was quite the opposite. He was clean cut and unconventionally handsome. He appeared to always be calm and in control. House admired him for that.

"I can barely concentrate on reading a book or watching tv without balling up in pain, but you think it's a good idea for me to be treating patients?"

"The pain isn't going to go away Greg. Certainly it isn't going to get better by pacing around your apartment all day. You have to focus on something else, and you have to train your mind to push past the pain."

"Push past the pain? I really wonder sometimes if you even have a medical license."

"I can only assure you that I do," Mason said. "It's been more than a month. You need to go back to work."

The two were silent for a long time. "I'm afraid they won't trust my judgment anymore," he finally admitted.

Mason smiled. "You just have to remind them of who you are and what you can do."

**

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**

House sat on Cuddy's front porch waiting for her to come home. It was after seven; he figured he wouldn't have to wait too long. When he heard her car pull into the drive on the side of the house and the garage door close, he waited. A few minutes later the nanny said goodnight and closed the front door behind her. She seemed surprised to see House sitting there.

"Can I help you?" she said.

"Nope," was his only reply as he pushed past her and knocked on the door with the hilt of his cane. The nanny shook her head and walked out to her car.

When Cuddy opened the door, she was surprised to see him there. "If you needed to talk to me, you could've come up to the hospital," she said once inside as she led him down the hall and into the living room where Rachel stood holding onto the side of the couch and taking adventurous steps toward her mother.

House was caught off guard momentarily. He hadn't seen the child in many months and she was walking now. How did he miss that? The sad thought occurred to him that while he was stuck in the trap that was his own brain, the people around him were still living. Moving forward, growing up, while he was just trying to get a grip on the day. He shook his head and turned back to Cuddy. "Wanna make out?" He asked her.

She laughed and pushed past him. "No."

"After you get the kid to bed?" He raised his eyebrows, and smiled.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"Half-serious." He looked down at Rachel who was balancing herself between the couch and Cuddy's leg, giggling uncontrollably, overtly proud of her accomplishment.

"Then what are you really doing here?" Cuddy reached down and picked up Rachel, resting her against one hip.

"Have you adopted that yet?" He was standing close enough for Rachel to reach a chubby hand out and grasp at his t-shirt. He swatted her hand away.

Cuddy smiled at them. "No I haven't adopted _her_ yet. My second hearing is next month."

"Hm," House continued to stare at the mother and daughter, until Cuddy snapped him out of it.

"House?"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing here?" When she didn't get an immediate answer she rolled her eyes and spun around, carrying Rachel back to her bedroom.

Twenty minutes later she reappeared and found House lounging in her chair, his leg propped up on her ottoman, head leaned back and eyes closed.

"Hookers taking the night off?' she asked. House opened on e eye, and lifted his head.

"No," he said. "But you're cheaper."

"Nice."

"Is Foreman running the team?" He asked finally cutting to the chase. Cuddy crossed the living room and picked up some toys that had been lying on the floor.

"There is no team," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I assigned everyone to different departments until you come back. Did you really think I was going to replace you?" She dumped the toys into a basket in the closet and then turned back to face him.

"I—just assumed you would…"

"Well you were wrong. Are you here because you're ready to come back?"

House shook his head. "Nope," he said and he lifted his leg off the ottoman and grabbed his cane as he stood. He turned and headed for the front door, but Cuddy caught up with him before he could open it, and took his hand, prompting him to face her. He looked down and waited for her to argue, or tell him to stop being pathetic and get his ass back to work. But she didn't. Instead she just stared at him until he started to turn back toward the door.

She stopped him again and leaned up, pressing her lips against his, and parted them barely enough to garner a taste, before pulling away. "I hope you change your mind soon."

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**

The next day, House tried to call her at the hospital three times, but each time she was out of the office, or in a meeting, or just avoiding him altogether. House was fully convinced now; she was trying to make him crazy. The thought occurred to him, that this was her plan to make him come back to the hospital. He hadn't stepped foot in that place in months and Cuddy figured if she kissed him and then ignored him, he would go to the hospital just to get her to talk to him.

But around three that afternoon, just as his anxiety and his itch to be near her again was about to get the better of him, she appeared at his door. With a case file.

"Oh for Christ's sake." He rolled his eyes but let her in anyways. "I'm not coming back yet." He told her after closing the door behind her.

"So you said." She took off her jacket and dropped the file on the coffee table.

"So then what's that?" He pointed to the file with his cane and watched as Cuddy made herself comfortable on his couch. _Was the file a pre-text? Did she come here to seduce him? _

"I'm not here to sleep with you," she said almost intuitively and smiled. "It's just a consult. Fifteen year old male was brought into the ER last night with intestinal bleeding. Chase fixed the tear, but then this morning he had a rectal bleed. It's weird, it's unconnected, no one else knows what to think, and I thought you could help."

"The rectal bleeding was probably a byproduct of the intestine. It took the night for the excess blood to make it through his system. Are you sure you didn't come here for the sex?"

"Positive. And the endoscopy was clean. There was no excess blood."

House frowned. "Stomach ulcer?"

"Nope."

"You kissed me last night."

"I did, yes."

"But now you don't want to talk about it?"

"That's right."

"Do…you want to kiss me again?"

"No," she said flatly. "Patient." Cuddy crossed her legs and pointed at the case file.

He ignored the file but sat down next to her, almost pinning her against the arm of the couch. "Why did you kiss me last night if you don't want to kiss me again?" She had rested a leg on the couch and before she could move it House dropped his hand onto her thigh.

"You're getting awfully worked up over a little peck House…"

"Answer me."

"I had an impulse. It passed, now I just want you to come back to work."

He thought about this for a second. Thought about telling her where she could stuff her impulses; thought about telling her he was never going to come back unless she started being honest with him.

"Okay," was all that came out when he opened his mouth.

"Okay, you'll come back to work? Or Okay, you're fine with me not wanting to sleep with you?"

"Okay, I'll come back to work."

"And the other?"

"I…don't believe that you don't want me," he said, his hand inching up her thigh until he reached her hip. He had leaned in close to her and her pulse quickened. "I just think you're scared."

Cuddy closed her eyes and found herself nearly entangled with him again. His lips brushed softly against her forehead, over her eyes, and then hovered above her mouth. "House—"

"I'm scared too," he said. His chest rose and fell almost in time with hers. "There's a million reasons why this will never work, and why you should want to be as far away from me as possible, but you don't."

"What do you want?" she whispered, her fingers absently playing over his arms as they tightened around her and pulled her closer.

He shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"Me either." She tipped her head toward him and this time she didn't pull away. She snaked her fingers through his hair and whimpered into his mouth. His breath, his tongue, was hot on her skin. Her fingers fell and found their way under his shirt to the bare skin of his stomach. He groaned when he felt her cool hands on him, but then wretched his lips away from hers.

His breath was ragged and heavy as he stared at her, and then almost impulsively he stood up and backed away.

"What?" She asked. "What is it?"

"We're both scared," he said. "We should wait until we're not."

Cuddy, leaned forward and touched her fingers to her lips where his fierce kisses still stung. She nodded slowly. "Okay."

He leaned down and picked up the patient file still sitting untouched on the coffee table. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Again she nodded. She stood and reached for her jacket, and as she started to walk around the couch he caught her arm. "Are we okay?"

She looked up at him and swallowed hard. "No," she said and pulled her jacket tight around her waist.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Daylight**

**Chapter Four **

House woke as a siring pain tightened in his thigh and shot through his abdomen. His hands clinched around the muscle and a hard hiss slammed through his teeth followed by a series of angry sobs. In the hospital, the detox had been bad. Worse than any attempt he'd ever made, worse than he'd imagined; so bad in fact, he'd hoped he was dying, because at least then there would be an end.

But when the worst of it was over, the pain in his leg came and went, and actually was seldom worse than it had been on the pills. That wasn't saying much, but it gave him hope. Mason Kelly's brilliant idea to stop all medications, in favor of finding a way to deal with not just the physical pain but the mental trauma had made a strange sort of sense while he was held up with the lunatics. Logic was skewed in that place though, and now that he was home and facing the prospect of going back to the hospital today…

A giant candy dish full of Vicodin was sounding pretty good at the moment.

House leaned into his leg for several seconds until the pain subsided enough to let him stand. A few minutes later he basked under the hot steam and water of his shower and then toweled off and got dressed.

The drive to the hospital was slow. House hadn't gone back in the month since he'd left Mayfield. He was scared. He didn't know what people knew, he didn't know what they'd think. Where he normally wouldn't care today the thought terrified him. He'd fallen apart. He'd broken and everyone knew it. But what terrified him the most was the notion that maybe he couldn't do this anymore.

As he pulled into the front lot he smiled to himself. Cuddy hadn't changed his parking spot in five months.

He stepped into the lobby and headed immediately toward her office. As he passed the nurses' station a group of women halted their conversation and smiled nervously in his direction and then whispered to one another, something about not believing that he was here.

When he reached Cuddy's office the door was locked and the blinds drawn. Universal language for 'Go away House, I don't want to see you.'

He frowned and turned toward the elevator, but before he got passed the clinic doors, Cuddy's office door opened and Mason Kelly was showing himself out.

"Hey!" House shouted across the clinic, and Mason turned to face him.

"Greg. I was led to believe that you wouldn't be in for another hour at least."

House limped in Mason's direction, trying not to attract any more attention to himself. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You told me you were coming back today. Thought it would be a good idea for me to observe you the first day back. This is a lot to take in, and I wanted to see that you're doing alright."

House shook his head and turned heading for the elevator with Mason just a step behind. "And why were you in there talking to Cuddy?"

Mason straightened his tie. "I wanted her to know your condition; that you'd be working without any sort of pain relief. The more she knows the better she'll be able to help you."

"I'm pretty sure that's confidential information," House aggressively stabbed at the elevator up button.

"Normally it would be. But Dr. Cuddy isn't just your boss Greg. She's your medical doctor. You've listed her as your primary care physician on every medical form you've filled out since 1995."

House stared at him for a second before the elevator door opened in front of them and Mason gestured for him to go in.

"I don't want you talking to her."

"Why's that Greg?"

"Don't," he snapped, suddenly irritated. "Don't analyze me. You know why. Cuddy's off limits, got it?'

Mason smiled, but nodded. As they stepped off the elevator House noted that Wilson was already in his office. House glanced over at Mason and decided he was going to have to wait until later to tell Wilson about what had happened with Cuddy the day before.

The two of them stepped into House's office, the rest of his team already assembled at the conference table. House silently dropped his backpack into a nearby chair and took a seat at the head of the table. He tossed the file down and gave the team a half smile.

"It's good to have you back," Thirteen offered. Forman glanced over at her.

"What's the case?" Forman interjected.

"Thank you for not dwelling on my triumphant return," House tapped his cane against the ground. "Fifteen year old—"

"Who's he?" Taulb asked looking over at Mason who had taken a seat at the small desk in the corner.

House waved a dismissive hand in his direction. "Bodyguard," he said. "Ignore him. Fifteen year old boy presented to the ER with intestinal bleeding."

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**

Mason Kelly didn't leave until well after lunch and only with the promise that House would call him at the end of the day.

House limped down to the cafeteria and found Wilson having a late lunch. "We need to talk," House said as he sat down across from Wilson and snatched a bag of chips from his tray.

"About what?"

"I screwed up." Wilson got a worried look in his eye and sat down his fork, thinking that House had done something to his patient. It hadn't even been a day! "Cuddy. She came over to my house yesterday." Wilson immediately started to relax which House found ironic. Messing things up with Cuddy was, in his mind, far graver than anything he could do to a patient.

Wilson nodded. "Okay…" Wilson worried for a second that House was going to tell him they slept together and Wilson wasn't going to believe it…he prepped himself to answer with _are you sure?_

"I told her I'd come back to work and then I kissed her. Or she kissed me, I don't really remember, but then I pulled back. I…I told her I thought we should stop." House's face was contorted in pain, in remembering the look on her face when she left him.

Wilson looked a little confused. "You mean you could've slept with her, but you stopped it?"

House nodded slowly. "I don't know for sure it would've gone that far, but…yeah. And then I asked her if we were okay and she said no, and then just walked out."

"Were you…actually being considerate? Trying not to move too fast because you know you're still not ready and you didn't want to take the chance that you'd hurt her?"

House narrowed his eyes slightly and shook his head. "We're talking about me here, not you. I stopped because I..." He paused, honestly not sure why he had stopped so abruptly. He grasped onto the first convincing lie that crossed his mind. "I don't want her pity. That's the only reason she was there."

"Do you really believe that?" Wilson asked him, but House was no longer in this conversation. He hadn't noticed until now nearly every table around then had turned their attention toward House.

He dropped his eyes. "How much do they know?" He asked in a low whisper.

Wilson glanced around them. "Almost nothing. They're just surprised you're back, the last thing they remember was you shouting about sleeping with Cuddy on the balcony."

House shook his head, reminding himself that he had been out of his mind. "Did she—"

"No," Wilson said. "Most people didn't believe you or did, but didn't care. They thought she fired you, she told people you went on sabbatical. Now they're just surprised to see you back. Ignore them."

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By the end of the day House still had not decided whether or not to go talk to Cuddy. He ordered tests on the patient that wouldn't be back until morning, so as he stepped off the elevator and passed the clinic, he noted that her door was open now, and she was perched behind her desk talking on the phone.

When she spotted him she paused and her eyes widened, struck square and heart racing. House tensed wondering, hoping she would wave him over. But she didn't. She simply lowered her eyes and angled her chair away from him.

House shook his head and stared a moment longer before turning away. When Cuddy looked up again she barely caught sight of the back of his leather jacket disappearing through the front doors.

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**A/N: So I know there wasn't much huddy in this chapter but I really wanted to look at where House was and how he's dealing with coming back to work because it is going to be very important later...besides, the next chapter will be much MUCH more Huddified....as always many thanks for the reviews...I always love to hear what you guys think. Should have more up tonight or tomorrow (just depends on how much I procrastinate real life work).**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Daylight**

**Chapter Five**

The next morning House got on his motorcycle and rode it over to Cuddy's house around 7:00AM. He got off his bike and stood on the side of the street just waiting. About twenty minutes later Cuddy appeared in jogging shorts and tight tank top. It was already well into fall but she'd be sweating before long. She placed Rachel in a jogging stroller and they moved onto the sidewalk. When she spotted him on the other side of the street she closed her eyes and shook her head, but walked over anyways.

"Hey, remember when we first met and I used to come over to your dorm at five in the morning and we would go running?" Cuddy nodded slowly, taking in his jogging pants and t-shirt. "That was nice. I think we should start doing that again."

Cuddy frowned and glanced down at Rachel. "Except that you can't run."

"No, but I can walk. I have to walk actually, if I'm going to re-generate any muscle tissue in my leg, I have to exercise it. I just thought you might want to walk with me." He glanced down at Rachel. "You can bring her if you want to."

Cuddy laughed, but House couldn't decide if she was laughing out of anger and disbelief or is he really was amusing her.

Cuddy placed her hands on the stroller and started to push, glancing back nodding for House to follow. He left his cane with the motorcycle and stepped in line with Cuddy. They were quiet for a long time before House glanced over and decided it was best to get straight to the point.

"You're an ass." He figured he could've probably found a better way to lead into this talk, but at least he got her attention.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Ass."

Cuddy glanced down at Rachel who was ignoring them for the most part and enjoying the ride. "House if you came over here to—"

"I came over here because I wanted to go for a walk and needed you to catch me if I collapse. But I thought since we were here I would tell you what an ass you are."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Okay I'll bite. Why am I an ass?"

"Because," he flung his arms in the air as if he had been waiting eons to unload on her. "When I came back you told me not to shut you out, and then after the other night you ignored me all day yesterday."

Cuddy's eyebrows drew together. "I wasn't ignoring you," she said. "I just didn't want to hover your first day back, I was giving you some space."

"_You_ wanted space," he told her.

"Okay fine. I needed to be away from you. I'm…" she glanced up at them and then they paused before crossing the street.

"What?" They reached the other side, and House slowed down a bit, his leg protesting the pressure of the walk.

"I'm feeling a lot of things right now, and I'm glad you're back but…" she didn't finish the sentence. She'd already revealed too much.

House jumped on it. "You're feeling a lot of things?"

"House just stop okay. You need to focus on getting your life back, and I need to focus on my daughter, and my hospital. Whatever we almost had or didn't have, there are more important things to worry about right now."

He stopped and narrowed his eyes at her and then glanced at the coffee shop on the corner. "I need to sit down."

They made their way inside and House dropped into a chair and rubbed his thigh while Cuddy got Rachel a cup of juice and coffees for the two of them.

House watched her closely as she wiped off the tray on Rachel's stroller and dropped some cheerio's in front of her.

"That's it isn't it?" He asked, and she looked up to meet his eyes. "You're still hurt because of what I said about her."

Cuddy shook her head, feeling almost as if she had been kicked. "We don't need to go there House. I know you were sick; I know you were hurting. I'm not angry with you for anything you said or did back then."

"You're not angry, but it still hurt you." He moved his fingers in a circular motion on his leg.

Cuddy nodded slowly. "I know you probably wouldn't have said that if you weren't so scared and in pain. You lashed out at me, you have before and I can take it. But it's still in your mind."

"I don't hate your kid Cuddy."

"No, but for some crazy reason you resent her. Like I was using her to replace you or something. But my wanting to become a parent had nothing to do with you. Maybe that's what you resent."

House swallowed hard, regretting that he even brought it up. "So now you don't want to get close to me because you know I want you, I just don't want the kid?"

Cuddy looked back down a Rachel who was oblivious to this conversation. "Yes," she whispered sadly, not meeting his eyes.

He stared at her. After a moment he closed his eyes and reached out to touch her arm. "I know you can't possibly understand this, and I don't know how much Wilson told you about what happened when I was hallucinating, but he couldn't even scratch the surface." House let go of his leg and let both of his hands move over hers. He dropped his voice low. "I know it never happened. I know it wasn't real, but Cuddy…in my head I can still remember the way you shivered when I touched you, I wake up in the mornings now and I can still _feel_ you in my arms, your skin, the way your hair smelled, the way we moved, everything. I remember holding onto you and feeling untouchable. And the possibility that we could actually be together," he shook his head and looked down at the little girl and her cheerios. "She wasn't even a factor in my mind of reasons why I shouldn't try everything in my power to make this happen."

Cuddy's eyes had widened as he confessed these things to her and her heart felt the absence of those memories she'd wished to god she shared. "I don't know how I feel about you adopting her or being a mother or anything else. I don't know my place, but I know I don't want to lose that feeling."

He let go of her hand and leaned back in his chair, before slowly standing up. "Thanks for the walk," he said, and then turned to the exit, leaving cuddy dumbfounded and shaken.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thank you all again for the great reviews....very few things turn me on more, so keep'um coming ;)

Here is the next bit...some sexual situations, but nothing too brash (at least not by my standards) I'm keeping the rating at T for now but will change it if anyone feels i should, just let me know....

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**The Daylight**

**Chapter Six**

"Meckel's diverticulum," Taulb tossed a lab report on the table in front of everyone and then turned to House who was pacing around the room. He stopped and looked up at Taulb.

"What?" It was after seven and he hadn't let any of them leave, the fact that they can come to a stale mate with this case was unacceptable to him.

"It's perfect. Acid secretion erodes the intestines, causes rectal bleed, and inflammation." Taulb gave the team a self-satisfied smirk and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That is perfect," House mumbled. "Why didn't I think of it?"

"It's extremely rare," Thirteen, who had been uncharacteristically sensitive and interested in House's wellbeing since he had come back, offered. "And a birth defect, very hard to detect."

House turned to her mercilessly. "Are you making excuses for me?"

"No, I just—"

"Nevermind," House said, resisting the temptation to take his frustrations with the case and Cuddy out on her. She was too easy of a target. "Go do a liver scan to confirm." The team exchanged a look, then got up and wordlessly left the room. House kicked the chair in front of him, sending a surge of pain up his leg. "God damn it!"

He limped to his desk and threw the cane aside as he fell into the chair and grabbed his leg. "Are you okay?"

House looked up and saw Cuddy standing in his doorway. He nodded. "Peachy." Cuddy stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. She took a seat on the other side of the desk and crossed her legs. It almost made him sick to see her sitting there. After what he had divulged to her that morning he couldn't get the vision of her pained expression out of his mind. And of course when he'd rather ignore the situation and repress any feelings he'd had for her forever, now she wants to talk.

"How are we going to handle this House?" She fingered the pens on his desk and wouldn't look him in the eye.

"There's nothing to handle," he said. "I shouldn't have unloaded on you like that. You were right; there are more important things to focus on right now."

Cuddy's mouth dropped a bit, but the she nodded knowingly. "You solve the case?"

"I think Taulb figured it out. They're testing now." House's distain at Taulb's name didn't go unnoticed.

"Taulb? But not you?"

House narrowed his eyes at her. "I already have a shrink Cuddy."

"And I'm sure you'll tell _him_ all about what's going on," Cuddy said.

"That is how the healing process works." The two of them shared a brief smile until House remembered why she was sitting in front of him. He looked down at the stack of files that had been sitting on his desk since he'd left months ago. "Look Cuddy—"

"No, you listen." Cuddy leaned forward and rested her hands on his desk. "Are you serious about this? Or did you just say all that stuff to screw with me? You know, because a month ago you wouldn't even talk to me."

House glanced up at her. "I'm not screwing with you."

"Then what?"

"I don't know." House pushed himself out of his chair and moved to the other side of the desk. Cuddy stood up to meet him there. "This is complicated."

"Well let's simplify it," she took a small step closer to him, though stayed far enough away that he'd have to physically reach out if he wanted to touch her. "You need a friend right now, right?" He nodded slowly. "And the headaches that come with having a relationship, especially a relationship with me, wouldn't exactly be conducive to sanity."

House nodded again. "So you think we should just put all this behind us?"

"For now," she said.

"Hmm," he mumbled. "That's probably for the best."

Cuddy smiled sadly and decided she needed to get out of there before she broke down and changed her mind. She stepped away from him touching his arm as she went. "I'll be around later if you want to go for a wa—"

Cuddy was cut short when House snagged her hand. "If you and I got together what makes you think it would be any different that the last couple shots we took?"

Cuddy stopped and turned back to him. "Well, we're different now, but it might not be any different; that's why—"

"Yeah we are." He didn't let go of her hand but stepped up close to her. "We are different. But what about your kid?"

"That's another reason—"

"We'd have to talk about that, figure it out before we could get too serious." He let go of her hand and stroked his chin as if he were in deep consideration.

Cuddy laughed. "I know. Which is why—"

"Okay, you've convinced me." House slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. "I'll let you be my girlfriend."

"House!" She was laughing but managed to wiggle away from him. "I'm serious."

"Me too." He reached for her again, and this time she let him pull her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pressed his face into her hair. She felt the tension in his arms, how he seemed to be holding his breath. It didn't match the easy way he was with her now.

She pulled back slightly and touched the side of his face. "I'm worried about you."

His deep sullen eyes fixed on her while the hand at the small of her back moved in delicate circles. "I've had doubts about whether or not I'd be able to do what I did once I got back here. The knowledge is still there but something else is missing. Instinct I guess."

"You haven't lost anything House , it just takes time." She told him.

But he shook his head refusing her empty encouragement. "It is gone," he said. "But it doesn't matter. I used to cling to the medicine because it was all I was good at, it was all I had and it nearly tore me apart. Now I have the chance for more." He let his fingers roam up her back and into her hair. "Would you still want me if I was just a regular doctor with a regular specialty who came in, did rounds and left at five pm? No obsessing, no insanity, no lawsuits?"

Cuddy closed her eyes and smiled, trying to imagine such a world. She shook her head. "No," she said. "I wouldn't even begin to know what to do with that." He started to pull back but Cuddy wouldn't let him. "I know you're scared but you've only been back for a couple of days House. I mean my god, you've barely given it a chance." House started to shake his head and opened his mouth to argue with her, but wasn't hearing it. "Leave tonight and come back in the morning. I'll find you another case, and if you can't solve it, then I'll find another and another until you get passed this."

"How can you be so sure I will?"

"I just am," she said and she felt his arms tighten on her hips once again.

"You going home?" He asked her and she nodded, leaning up to him slightly letting her lips brush against his. "Can I come?" Cuddy smiled and nodded again.

"Your shrink is not going to be happy about this," she mumbled against his lips.

"Probably," he said. House moved his hands down her arms and leaned in to taste her again, her lips sweet and hungry against his. He squeezed her hand and then moved away from her to pick his cane up off the ground and his jacket from the back of his chair. When he turned back to her, he caught sight of her eyes lit with anticipation, with a jubilant surrender. After everything he had been through; after everything he had put her through, there she was, there she had always been lying in wait for him.

She gave him a nervous but determined smile and nodded toward the door. "Let's go," she said.

**

* * *

**

When House woke up the next morning a familiar but distant sense of calm was overthrown by panic when he reached across the bed and realized that she wasn't there. _No._

He opened his eyes to find himself alone in a vacant bed in an empty room. But it was her room. House took a breath and fell back against the pillows. A few minutes later Cuddy cracked open the door and slipped inside. She had pulled a robe around her and pinned her mussed hair on top of her head.

House opened one eye and smirked at her. "Where'd you go?"

Cuddy gestured into the living room. "Rachel woke up."

"Hmm."

"House if you keep questioning it every time something good happens, we're not going to make it very far," she told him knowing exactly what he thought when he woke up alone this morning. "My nanny's going to be here to pick her up in about an hour, and I have to be in for a meeting at eleven, so you should probably start getting up." She sat down on the side of the bed, and House immediately reached for her.

She dropped a kiss on his lips and when she tried to pull away House snaked an arm around her neck and deepened the kiss. Cuddy parted her lips and let him inside, but when he tried to pull her full force back into the bed, she started laughing and pulled back. "House, we can't—"

"Where is the little widget?'

"She's in the living room, in her playpen."

"Okay, so she's in a cage. What's the problem?" But he let go of her and leaned back against the headboard.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower. There's coffee out there if you want."

He nodded, and watched her move around the room. She grabbed a towel and headed for the adjoining bathroom. House caught her before she could shut the door. "Hey Cuddy."

She peeked around the door, "Yeah?"

"Last night was pretty amazing, wasn't it?"

She smiled a broad and dazzling smile. "Better than you imagined?" She teased.

"I didn't think it would be possible, but I think it was better."

Cuddy stared at him for a moment blushing. "I won't be long," she said.

A few minutes later House pulled on the pants and t-shirt he had worn the previous day and, cane in hand, limped into the kitchen. He spotted Rachel in the other room bouncing up and down in her playpen, fascinated by a Duran Duran music video on TV.

He poured some coffee and then limped back into the living room and took a seat on the couch. Rachel turned her attention to him and in a demanding jumble of incoherent sounds she gestured to his coffee cup. "Get your own," he told her before taking another sip.

She squealed and held up an empty sippy cup and House frowned. He glanced back toward the bedroom where the shower was still running. "Fine," he said. He set his cup on the table and took hers away as he headed for the kitchen. A minute later he came back with a full cup of juice and a few grapes cut long ways in half. He fell back into the chair and handed her the cup and a grape.

When Cuddy finally emerged from the bathroom she laughed at the scene in front of her. House dangling a grape above her daughter's head and then raising it just out of her grasp when she went for it. "What are doing?" she asked with a smile.

House turned around and while he was momentarily distracted by the way her satin robe clung to her damp skin, Rachel snatched the grape from his fingers and popped it into her mouth with a triumphant laugh. House shrugged. "It's kind of like feeding the moneys at the zoo."

Cuddy slapped his shoulder. She picked up Rachel and whispered playfully to her daughter as she carried her to her bedroom. A few minutes later they came back dressed and bag packed. The nanny came at eight on the dot a left just as quickly, for a baby/nanny jungle gym play date thing.

Cuddy spread the newspaper across the coffee table and propped her feet up next to House's. He took in her lean frame, her half hearted attempt to put her hair and makeup together before getting dressed. He watched her sip her tea and felt a stir in his jeans.

"What time is your meeting?" He asked her.

Without looking up from the World News section, Cuddy answered. "Eleven."

"Hmm." Cuddy leaned forward setting her own down on the table and crossed her legs, giving House a generous shot of her inner thighs. He drummed his finger over the side of his coffee cup. After a few seconds he set his down on the table as well and then pulled the paper out of her hands.

"Hey!"

"Don't 'hey' me, you shameless flirt," he moved over the couch until he hovered directly over her, pinning her between his legs.

"House—" her lame attempt at a protest was squashed as she met him halfway, their lips and tongues crashing full force, his fingers fumbling with the tie on her robe, pulling it free and pushing it aside. Cuddy trailed her lips along his jaw and nipped at the soft skin of his throat. House's fingers felt their way inside her robe, light at her stomach then up, up. rough fingers taunting her nipples. She jerked beneath him and mumbled something about going to the bedroom.

Fixing one strong arm around her waist, House pushed himself off the couch with his good leg, pulling her along with him. They stumbled and staggered down the hall to her bedroom and House fell into the sheets pulling her on top of him. She wiggled there rocking against his erection as she unsnapped his jeans and pushed his t-shirt over his head. His hands slip over her ass, still shrouded in the soft satin fabric of her robe, and moved up her back pushing the robe to the floor. She rose up long enough for him to kick off his pants before she settled herself against his chest, and he held her face in front of him still in wonder. "I've missed this," he whispered.

"House," Cuddy purred in her sexiest timbre.

"Hmm?"

"Shut up and do me." Her eyes lit up with a naughty playfulness. That is what he had really missed the most. Her ability to be ten times more inappropriate than he, when the mood suited her. Enough to occasionally knock him off his rocker.

"You betcha," he said clamping his hands down on her hips and maneuvering her over his shaft. Both sucked in hard breaths and pleasure ridden moans as Cuddy locked her fingers with his and let loose an ethereal cry into his neck as he rolled her underneath him.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, and for your patience...It has been a busy couple of weeks and will be a busy couple of more weeks, but after that updates should be more frequent. Sooo....if you picked up on how House seems a bit out of character in the previous couple of chapters that was not without purpose...this chapter should explain why, and get our anti-hero back as we (and Cuddy) love him...a cranky, loathsome, pain in the ass =). Enjoy, and as always, I love to here what you think...

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**The Daylight**

Chapter 7

"I feel better." House set his cane against the end table in Mason Kelly's office and leaned back in his chair.

Mason nodded and scratched the back of his head. "Why?"

"What do you mean _why_?" House decided that he no longer needed to scheme to stay miserable now that he had Mason to do it for him.

"I mean, what has changed? Last week you were agitated, you felt anxious and you were in a significant amount of pain. What has changed to make that better?"

An image of Cuddy leaped to the front of House's mind though he was careful not to lead with that. He did feel about a thousand times better, but he didn't want himself or anyone else to attribute that to her.

"Just being back at work," he said. "Getting things back to normal."

"How many cases have you had since you've been back?" Mason asked.

"Two."

"And what where the outcomes?"

House pressed his fingers against his temple, not wanting to go down this particular road. The second case Cuddy had brought to him, much like the first, was not lacking in tricky unconnected symptoms, and like the first time, it was his team, and not himself who had produced the final diagnosis. "The first was a diverticulum, the second lymphoma," he finally answered.

"And how did those diagnoses come about?"

House stared at him, fully aware of what the other man was doing. Even his shrink believed he had lost his gift. "It was a team effort."

"So you were unable to come to the answer?"

House shook his head, needing to change the subject. "I've started dating Cuddy."

Mason's eyebrows went up at this revelation, but then he glanced down at his notes and back up at House. "How do you feel your confidence level has been since you went back to work?"

House blinked. "Did you hear what I just said? I've been sleeping with Cuddy for more than a week now. We've had meals, I've slept over, we've watched old movies on TV; we're dating."

"I heard you. I just prefer to finish one conversation before moving on to the next."

House nodded. "You don't believe me. You think I need to be locked up again."

Mason laughed and put down his notepad. "Greg. I don't believe for a second that your experiences aren't real. You haven't been delusional for months, it seems you're dealing with the pain very well—"

"According to you latest tox-screens." House interjected coldly. Part of Mason Kelly's agreement to continue treating him was weekly toxicology screenings and what Mason called a "truth pact."

Manson nodded, and continued. "I have my concerns about you starting a relationship with Dr. Cuddy beyond the fact that it's not wise for a recovering addict to become involved sexually with anyone so soon after treatment."

"We didn't just jump into a relationship," House said. He glanced up at Mason and then down at the floor. "It's been years coming."

"Clearly, in your mind it has been years in the making. But what do you think has changed? Why are you so willing to make yourself available to her now, when you weren't before?"

"It wasn't all me," House said.

"Okay then, what do you think has changed between you both? Why now are you so willing to make the necessary sacrifices? And do you think that you'd still be so willing if your professional life were still as fruitful as it was before you left?"

House mulled over the questions for a moment but unable to come up with a satisfactory answer and agitated that Mason Kelly was pulling apart everything good he had in front of him, House leaned forward in his chair. "I have a better question," he said. "Why is it that when a patient comes to you in a good mood and feeling half-way together for the first time in a long time, do you feel like you need to take that away."

"Because Greg, even sane people who are not hallucinating are still capable of deluding themselves if they aren't careful."

House picked up his cane. "Isn't our time up?"

**

* * *

**

When House got back to the office later that morning, Wilson was waiting for him there. "So?" House inquired with a haughty grin.

"So, you were telling the truth. I'm amazed." House smiled and dropped his bag next to the desk and sat down.

"Told you." That morning over breakfast before his meeting with Mason, House finally got around to telling Wilson about him and Cuddy. He couldn't say why he had put it off, just that he wanted to live it privately for just a little while, and if it was an illusion, he didn't want to know.

Wilson reacted just as House knew he would. Skeptical, maybe even a little frightened. House encouraged his friend to ask Cuddy how things were going between them, and that morning Wilson had bashfully walked into Cuddy's office and laid House's confession in front of her. To his immediate surprise she just smiled and wondered what had taken him so long to find out.

"Well?"

"Well what? I'm happy for you two."

"What did she say when you asked her about us?"

Wilson narrowed his eyes. "If you want to know how Cuddy's doing with being involved in you, don't you think you should ask Cuddy?"

"Of course. But she's being careful with me. She thinks if she plays something wrong I might fall apart. I want to know what she said to you."

Wilson shrugged. "She seems really happy. If she is worried about you falling apart, she didn't say anything to me." He took a seat across from House, and paused as if he'd just remembered something important. "She does seem to think that you are holding something back from her though. About work."

House shook his head. ''I'm not holding anything back. She chooses to think that because she doesn't want to hear the truth."

"And what truth would that be?" Wilson asked but House was no longer paying attention. Instead he was staring past his friend and up at Cuddy who had stepped into his doorway.

"What's up boss?" Cuddy flashed a case file in front of him and raised her eyebrows at the two men's conspiring tones. House rolled his eyes, and Wilson cleared his throat before quietly standing and leaving the room. Cuddy shut the door behind him and sat down on the side of his desk. Instinctively House's hand wandered to the inside of her calf, and stroked the toned muscle there.

"I don't want to take a case right now," he said, his voice low.

"Too bad," Cuddy placed the open file in front of him. "52 year old woman, owner of Olivine Winery, high fever low blood pressure, arrhythmia—"

"It's an infection," he said. "Are you really stooping to giving me easy cases in order to boost my confidence?"

"It's not an infection. Her previous six doctors all thought infection but came up with nothing. This isn't a trick, House. This is what happens when other doctors can't find an answer; we bring it to you."

He shook his head. "I don't want it."

"I don't care what you want," she said, but her tone was soft and she hooked her hand on his arm and moved down to grip his hand. "Take the case."

House narrowed his eyes at her. "How long are you going to keep this up?"

"As long as it takes. So unless you want me to keep dropping files on your desk you better figure this out." He closed his eyes and shook his head. She just didn't get it.

"Fine," he said. He stood up and balanced for a second on his good leg as a protest from the other dug at his resolve to walk out on her. He paused before grabbing his cane and walking into his outer office where the team pretended not to be watching them. He shielded her with his body and laid a soft kiss on her lips.

**

* * *

**

By about ten o'clock that night Cuddy had poured herself a glass of wine and was sitting with a stack of monthly budget reports at her kitchen table when there was an obnoxious banging at her front door. Cuddy smiled briefly, though she was surprised he was here.

She got up and walked into the entry way, but when she opened the door she didn't find the triumphant look she'd been hoping for but instead the frustrated seething look he formed when he was about to lose it. She waved him in and closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?"

"I did everything I know to do Cuddy. We checked the home, work, ran all the tests, and came up with nothing. I don't know what else to do." Her sympathetic eyes pierced him and as she started to offer a suggestion he cut her off. "I just came to tell you that I'm quitting."

Cuddy crossed her arms in defiance. "Not acceptable."

"I fucking told you I didn't want to do this anymore, you didn't want to hear it, but guess what—"

"House you're going to be fine. You just have to—"

"To what? Give it more time?" His jaw was set and his eyes fixed on her. One of the more difficult parts of their relationship had always been his tendency to take out his frustrations on her. She understood to a point and she took it in stride. Sometimes he apologized; most of the time he didn't.

"Yes," she whispered.

Disgusted with this Xeroxed answer, House pushed past her. He had his hand on the doorknob, when she grabbed his arm. "What do you want me to say?"

He didn't bother turning around, just glanced over his shoulder. "I want you to stop trying to be supportive and tell me the truth."

Cuddy pulled her lip between her teeth and shook her head. The truth he wanted. "Fine," she hooked his arm and dragged him away from the door and toward the kitchen. She let go of him and poured herself another glass of wine and pressed a hand to her forehead.

House stared at her for a long moment before throwing up his hands impatiently.

"You're pathetic," she told him. House raised his eyebrows slightly but didn't otherwise react. "You were hurting so badly after Amber, after your father, and then Kutner. But did you try to get help? Did you talk to your friends who loved you or a professional who could've helped you? No. You thought you could deal with it all by yourself."

"I did get help," he rose his voice to a near shout and Cuddy glanced down the hall toward Rachel's room. House dropped an octave lower, but moved closer to her. "I locked myself up in the crazy house for months, because I couldn't deal with things myself."

"Yeah, you did. After what? You pushed yourself to brink until you couldn't take it anymore and you fell apart. Now you're back, you think you're all better, but you're not. Maybe you're not seeing dead people anymore, but you're still broken."

House shook his head. "I've been trying to tell you that. I don't have it anymore—"

"No!" Cuddy set her glass down on the table splashing some onto her hand as she did. "You haven't lost anything. You're just scared. You haven't walked into my office once telling about some crazy idea you had that might be wrong but could be right, you don't take risks, you won't even make so much as a guess anymore. You'd much rather stay in a safe specialty where the answer is always the same and the tests are always right, because you are too damn scared of being wrong. Because you doubt yourself, because you don't want to lose anything. Because you're weak."

"Why are you doing this?" He interrupted her before she could cut into him anymore. His leg was throbbing, and he wanted nothing in that moment but to be away from here. Away from her.

"You asked for the truth; I gave it to you. You've lost your nerve and its taking everything else I fell for in you right along with it."

House stared at her blank-faced for several seconds. So this is what she thought of him. He blinked once and opened his eyes to see her still standing in front of him, her face etched with disappointment. His hesitation these last weeks, his unwillingness to take unnecessary chances, holding his tongue, not lashing out, much of that had been fear, but part at least was about her. Trying to be a better man for her, because that's what he thought she needed. House shook his head slightly before slamming a trembling fist down on her table, sending the wine glass over the edge and shattering at their feet on the floor. He took a menacing step toward her, but she held her ground, barely flinching at the broken glass between them.

Another step. Cuddy circled her fingers around his wrist, and House dropped his cane to the floor. He pushed his hands into her hair, wrenched her into his arms. When his kiss smashed down on her, it wasn't the tender, hesitant, longing kiss that she had come to know well ever since he had come home. This was a ferocious kiss, desperate and unyielding. He backed her into the counter and lifted her up with his free hand settling her in front of him. Without stopping to look into her eyes for fear of breaking this spell, he twisted his fingers around her neck and let his lips wander. Jaw, throat, shoulder blade. He listened to the patented whimpers coming from her lips as on hand dragged over her calf and up her thigh to the lace tops of her stockings. He pushed her skirt up over her hips and hooked his fingers around her panties, pulling them free in one fell swoop.

Both breathless and needy, Cuddy reached between his legs and unsnapped his jeans. House yanked open her blouse moving his lips to her breasts, rough teeth and tongue dragging over taught nipples. She cried out to him, and tugged his jeans and underwear down, revealing the physical evidence of his desperate need to be inside her; to show her that he was not broken, that he was not weak or defective.

House pressed his thumb to her lips and she sucked it between her teeth, running her tongue over its length before he pulled away and crept to the center of her thighs. He pressed his thumb, wet with her saliva against her clit and watched with a smile as she sucked in a deep breath while he stroked her sex in a circular motion. She quivered against his hand and just as she was about to reach critical mass, shoved his hand aside and locked her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her.

House gripped one hand to the counter and the other around her waist as he pushed into her. His nails dug into her ass as he came closer. Cuddy wrapped her arms around his neck and moved with him, angry grunts and groans dripped from both lips and in the final moments before her climax Cuddy bit down on his shoulder still cloaked in his t-shirt and muffled her last resistance there. House was just a few seconds behind her, his head dizzied and hands flailing fumbling to hold on to anything.

"God Cuddy." His words slippery as Cuddy's vagina when he finally let go of her. He didn't move away though and could find no other words to fit what had just transpired. He rested his forehead against the cabinet above them and took shallow breaths, attempting to calm his shaking hands and shaking nerves.

After a few moments Cuddy leaned her head back against the same cabinet and smiled over his shoulder. "I told you, you hadn't lost anything," she whispered against his cheek.

House leaned back and tucked his fledgling erection back into his pants and sipped his jeans. "Was that your clever plan?" He asked. "Make me so angry that I fuck you silly until I come to some great epiphany?"

Cuddy shrugged. "Did it work?"

"No," he said. "But good try." He turned away from her and retrieved his discarded cane. As he stepped away from her, his eyes caught the red liquid seeping across the linoleum. He gripped his cane tight and dipped the end into where the spill was soaking into his shoe. "The wine," he whispered. He looked up at Cuddy with a knowing crooked smile. "You're encouraging crazy risk taking these days right?"

"Wha--?" she started to ask. But it was too late. House had already turned away and was heading out her front door, slamming it closed behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Daylight**

**Chapter 8**

"I was right all along about it being an infection," he said into the phone as he climbed into his car. "Bacterial. When you went to the winery did you check the barrels?"

"There were hundreds of barrels there, besides LP didn't show any—" Taub started but House cut him off.

House shook his head. "It's in her blood and lymph system. We're gonna have to drain the Thoracic duct. One of the wine reserves must have gotten contaminated."

"House…" Foreman's disapproving voice cameo n the speaker. "We can't drain the lymph system without risking—"

"If we don't do it, the infection is going to spread to her heart, lungs, kidney, should I keep going? Start the procedure, I'm on my way."

"We should talk to Cuddy first," 13 piped in.

"Go for it," he said. "I'm fairly confident she'll say yes."

**

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**

By the time House arrived back at the hospital, his team had abandoned the procedure and were gathered around the conference table staring at the white board.

House frowned. "I know it's late and you guys are a little slow but—" Forman stepped aside so that House could see that they had added CONVULSION to the brief list of symptoms. The patient was deteriorating fast, faster than expected with a bacterial infection.

"What happened?" He dropped his jacket over the back of a chair and limped over the white board. He hooked his cane over the edge of the board and stared at the last line. Convulsions.

"Right after we hung up with you we got a page," Taub said. "Her fever spiked at a hundred and three and she started to seize. She's stabilized now but her breathing is shallow."

"Respiratory arrest?" House asked and Forman nodded in confirmation. "It has to be an infection."

"House there was no sign of infection on the LP or in the blood work," Forman argued.

"House pointed his cane at Forman and 13. "Go back to the winery first thing in the morning, take samples of every opened barrel, anything she may have tasted, or come into contact with." The two of them exchanged a glance but wordlessly turned and left the room. "You," he turned to Taub. "Go run a tox screen."

"What are you looking for?"

House shrugged. "If it's not an infection we have to look for other substances that could do this." Taub didn't move he just stared curiously at House who rolled his eyes after a few seconds. "When I said 'we' I meant _you_. Go."

**

* * *

**

Once his team had left there was nothing more house could do there until morning when the tox results came back and Forman and 13 came back with samples from the winery. He considered going back to Cuddy's. He knew that's what he should do; she was probably upset the way he left her and he owed her an explanation. The problem was he didn't know what to say. Not 'I'm sorry,' he wasn't sorry. His frustrations with the job, with her were real. Maybe she didn't deserve to be the focus of his blowup but she gave as good as she got and in the end it turned out pretty well for him.

Plus he didn't want to take the chance that he'd go over there and she would end things between them.

Instead he called Wilson's number. After five rings a groggy voice came on the line. "It's after midnight House."

"Is it? You wanna go get a drink?" House drummed his fingers on the edge of his steering wheel; he hadn't started the car yet. He hadn't spent much time at home in the past week and going back there now would feel almost like he'd failed. At what he wasn't sure but he really didn't want to deal with that.

After a few quiet moments Wilson spoke again. "Sure," he said. "Give me fifteen minutes."

House hung up the phone and started the car. He drove over to Wilson's place and waited for him to step out into the sidewalk. When he spotted House's car he crossed the street and climbed in, immediately warming his hands on the car heater.

"What's going on?" Wilson asked after a quiet silence. House had pulled out of the drive and was heading toward a bar they both liked called _Mikey's._

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, it's the middle of the night. Why aren't you at Cuddy's? Are you guys fighting?" As Wilson probed for answers, House started to regret calling him. He realized that Wilson, like Cuddy, had been careful with him, too worried that he might shatter if they treated him like himself, so they were delicate. House drove for a few miles without saying anything and Wilson started to get impatient.

"House?"

"You know there used to be a time when I could call you up in the middle of the night and drag you out to a bar without you accusing me of some kind of ulterior motive." House pulled in front of the bar and turned off the car.

"That was back when you had nothing better to do."

"Yeah well I sexed her up real good a few hours ago…thought I'd let her rest for a while." Both men climbed out of the car and headed for the entrance, but Wilson continued to stare at House in suspicion, until House rolled his eyes and confessed. "We had a fight. But…" House wasn't sure how much detail he wanted to go into tonight. Wilson would try to analyze him and House had a shrink for that now. "I had to go back to the hospital before we worked everything out. I just wanted to give her some space. Besides," House smiled, cutting Wilson off just as he opened his mouth to tell House he was being an idiot and he should go back over to Cuddy's and dropped two twenty dollar bills on the bar. "We're celebrating."

"Celebrating what?" Wilson asked while House nodded to the bartender to get over there.

"Celebrating the fact that I'm not a useless human being after all. A bourbon and a martini," he said to the bartender.

"Who said you were useless?"

"I had an epiphany tonight. My patient was dying, we couldn't figure out why, and I was ready to quit, I went over to Cuddy's and while I was there I made some kind of leap in my head and realized she had an infection." House took up the glass that had been placed in front of him and raised it.

Wilson shook his head. "So you cured her?"

"Well, no. She had another symptom before we had a chance to treat, my team is looking into some other leads—I think you're missing the point here—"

"No I get it. You were worried that you had lost your ability to do what you do, and now you've found a way to get it back, but why are you telling me about it and not Cuddy?"

House rolled his eyes hard and took a drink of his bourbon. "Will you stop with Cuddy! We will be fine okay, I'll see her tomorrow, we'll ignore our issues and go back to normal like nothing happened. Can we _please_ focus on me for awhile?"

Wilson picked up his martini and drank it down quickly then signaled for another round for them both. "You better not screw this up," Wilson told him. "You'll never find anybody better for you than her."

House nodded. "Duly noted."

**

* * *

**

Almost two hours later the bar was closing and House slid down off the barstool, and gripped onto Wilson's shoulder for support. Wilson brushed him off and stumbled against the bar and House held up his car keys to Wilson, who shook his head. "Not me," he said. "And not you either."

"We didn't think this through very well," House slurred as he caught his balance. "Should we take the bus?"

A cold sad look crossed Wilson's face, but as he looked up, it quickly disintegrated into a smile. "I don't think we'll have to," he said.

House followed Wilson's gaze to the front door and to the lovely figure who had just stepped in. When she saw them she frowned disapprovingly, and crossed her arms over her chest. "You traitor. You called her?"

Wilson's grin grew wider. "I did, but she told me to go to hell, that Rachel was asleep and we should call a cab. Guess she changed her mind."

"Let's go you two, my daughter's in the car." Cuddy spun around and left the two of them staring after her. Wilson dropped two more twenties on the bar and followed her out the door , grabbing hold of House's jacket and dragging him behind them.

Outside Cuddy had started the car and was waiting for them. Wilson opened the back driver's side door and shoved House inside, tossing in his cane and closing the door behind him. Rachel was asleep in her car seat, her small hands balled into fists and bunched at her face. House leaned his head down near her and admired how peaceful she seemed, even after being woken and drug out in the middle of the night to fetch his sorry ass. If only her mother would be so calm.

Wilson climbed into the front seat beside Cuddy and looked at her sheepishly. "Thanks," he muttered, as she gunned the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

When Cuddy pulled in front of Wilson's apartment she turned to him, "Never again," she said. Wilson nodded, but before he could speak, she started to lay into him. "You know better. You intentionally got yourself and him too drunk to drive home, because you knew we had a fight and you knew I wouldn't just leave you guys there so I would be forced to wake up my daughter and come get you." Wilson swallowed, still a bit too hazy to defend himself, but willing to acknowledge that yes, he got them drunk on purpose because he wanted her to come and get them and that was a shitty thing to do. But she didn't give him a chance. "If House and I have issues, we will deal with them; we don't need your help."

House's eyes opened at the mention of his name and he glanced over at Rachel, who had tilted her head almost cheek to cheek with him. He blinked and listened to Cuddy rip into Wilson and tried not to draw any attention to himself.

Wilson nodded, apologetically and opened the door. "He was being stubborn," he told her. "I just wanted to—"

Cuddy placed a hand on his arm. "I know," she said. "It's sweet that you're worried about us. Never again." She patted his arm and gave him a small shove out the door. Wilson smiled and ambled over to her window. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on her cheek, catching a flash of warning in House's eye, he smiled at her. "Thanks for the ride."

Cuddy watched Wilson stumble up the stairs to his building and disappear inside before putting the car in reverse and glancing up in her review mirror at House, who had closed his eyes again and leaned into Rachel's car seat.

"Where should I drop you?" She asked, not buying that he was asleep. He opened one eye and sat up in the seat.

"That depends," he said. "How mad are you?"

Cuddy turned at the end of the street and pulled onto the main road in the direction of her house. "Furious," she answered, but he soft delivery told him, that she was only slightly annoyed at having been pulled out of her bed so late, but was overall happy to see that he was okay. And she was curious to know what happened with his patient after he left her earlier that night.

House leaned forward and placed his forehead against the back of her headrest. He felt her lean back and without thinking he reached around the seat and pressed his hand on her abdomen. Cuddy smiled when he scooted closer to the back of the seat until his chin rested on the seat next to her face, and his lips falling slightly behind her ear. "Thanks for being honest with me before," he said in a low whisper.

She nodded, and took a breath as the pressure of his hand, his thumb moving in intricate circles against her stomach spreading a needy warmth through the rest of her body. "Did you figure it out?" She replied about his patient.

House shook his head. "No, but I did figure something else out." Cuddy pulled into her driveway and turned off the car, but didn't move to get out. "I shouldn't have doubted myself. I'm wrong enough to know that being wrong is all part of the process. I forgot that for awhile."

Cuddy smiled. "So you're okay with being wrong?"

"Hell no," he said. "I just know it doesn't mean that I'm not still me." His voice was strained and still a little slurry, but she knew what he meant. House scooted closer and pressed his lips into her hair. "Let's go to bed," he whispered suggestively before letting his hand drop into her lap and brush against the inside of her thigh.

Though House couldn't see her, she grinned widely. "I'm not sure you're able to…"

House leaned back and let go of her, feeling around for his cane on the floor. "That is Wilson's deficiency; not mine I assure you."

Cuddy chuckled and climbed out of the car. She walked around to the rear passenger door and pulled the sleeping child from her seat. She squirmed in protest, but quickly settled back down. House followed Cuddy into the house and watched as she went straight back to put Rachel back to bed. He felt a twinge of guilt as having drug them out so late, but quickly dismissed it. This was Wilson's fault, not his. Though he couldn't deny he was happy to be back in Cuddy's good graces instead of passed out on Wilson's couch tonight.

He leaned against her front door and closed his eyes. He wasn't sure for how long but the next thing he knew there was a soft pair of cool hands exploring his bare stomach underneath his t-shirt. He smiled.

"Your hands are cold," he told her. She pushed his jacket off his shoulders and leaned into him, pressing her lips against the corner of his and a throaty groan came from someplace deep inside him.

She guided him toward her bedroom, where he shed his cloths and watched from the bed as she undressed and pulled her hair from where it was piled and clipped on top of her head. Dark curls fell around her bare shoulders and House's breath caught in his throat. He reached for her and pulled her in the bed next to him, rolling her underneath him. "Wilson told me that I better not screw up with you because I couldn't do any better."

"I agree," she purred against his skin, letting her arms wrap around him, and stroke down the length of his back.

"But you could," he said flatly. "Any responsible mother would never bring someone as unhinged and unstable as me into her kid's life." His hands traveled the length of her arms and locked his fingers with hers. He parted her legs with his knee and settled himself between them. "How long do you think we can do this?"

Cuddy pulled her lips back and leaned against the pillow. She rarely brought up Rachel to him, she thought about it constantly, but decided that it needed to be his decision whether or not he could accept her in his life full stop, of if he needed to walk away. She knew it was very possible, even probable that House would decide that the responsibility of a child was not something he wanted to take on, though she refused to entertain that notion. It was simply too painful.

But Cuddy wondered now if that was precisely what he was trying to tell her. It was an odd moment to do so. "Are you worried that you might hurt her?" She asked him hesitantly.

"Aren't you?" He released her hands and moved his lithe fingers over her waist and up her torso, dancing over the sides of her breasts.

Cuddy thought back to the night, so many months ago that he had called her. He played a song for her, a Jewish melody full of longing and empty desire. Both of them, too stubborn then to admit that they wanted to share this life, this child, and each other. Such a small gesture, so unlike him, and yet he wanted them both so much, in a sense needed them, though he would never admit it.

That night on the phone he had alluded to the fact that if he could be a better man, perhaps he might begin to be good enough for her. Shortly after, Kutner had killed himself and so started his downward spiral, but then, just then, she believed that he could have loved them both.

"No," she said. "I don't believe you ever would hurt her." He closed his eyes and started to shake his head, but Cuddy caught his cheek and forced him to look at her. "I'm not saying this because it's what you want to hear or what I want to believe. I know why her being in my life has been hard for you. You always imagined if I had a kid it would be yours. Anything less makes you feel left out." Her hands started to roam again not letting him pull away but instead gripping his waist and moved her body deliberately against him. "It's okay to let yourself care for her," Cuddy said in an almost breathless moan, as her desire for him, and her fear of what he was thinking came to a head.

House knew every word she said was the truth, he did feel left out, maybe unjustly so but he did. However, he wasn't looking for reassurance or permission to be in their life. He wasn't sure exactly what he was hoping would happen by brining all of this up now. He just wanted her to know that he was happy she never gave up on him.

Unfortunately he couldn't find the words because he had become distracted by the rhythmic sensation of her hips against his erection. He moved one hand down to still her and the other into her hair. "You put up with a lot of crap," he said, brushing his lips over her ear.

She nodded a faint but impatient smile playing on her lips. "Don't you think it's time you rewarded me for that?"

"Hmm," he mumbled an agreement and dropped his head to nip at the soft skin where her neckline met her shoulder blade, to brush his tongue over one taunt nipple, over her flat stomach and down to the sensitive V-shape of her thigh and pelvic bone. She whimpered as he continued to press light kisses to the inside on her thighs and as he let his tongue slip over her clitoris. Her fingers instantly tangled into his hair and a deep gasp permeated the air around them.

He loved the way she tasted, he always had. Any woman he had been with since he'd first met her he found himself comparing to her in one way or another, and this was one area no other woman could ever come close. No one tasted as sweet as she did. House didn't pull back, not even when she tugged at his arm, wanting him to come back up and make love to her. _Not yet_, he thought. He moved his index finger over the length of her crevice and then slid it inside of her. Matching his tongue stroke for stroke, House played on her sex until she couldn't contain herself. She moaned his name in a voice that was part squeal, part muffled scream, and jerked her hips beneath him. Her fingers which had been mauling his hair tightened and forced him up. House laughed and crawled up the mass of blankets until he was face to face with her again. Her eyes had closed and her breathing calmed although not yet level. A deep smile spread across her lips.

"Don't pass out on me yet, Cuddy." House nipped her bottom lip between his teeth, and she slowly opened her eyes.

"Not a chance," she whispered and she hooked her leg around him rolling over until she straddled him, and pinned him to the bed with her fingers laced in his.

* * *

**A/N: Again sorry for the delay in updating, but things should be less hectic now for a while at least...And thanks yet again for the great reviews...as I'm sure you all know, it is always wonderful to hear that people are still reading and enjoying the story....and of course reviews do make for great inspiration and faster writing =)**

**More to come soon...**


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: sorry again for the wait between updates...but I love all of you that are sticking with this story, and really hope to have another chapter up, if not tomorrow then very soon...as always reviews are love =)_

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**The Daylight**

**Chapter 9**

House awoke to a cold breeze hitting his bare chest and a pair of cool hands wrapped protectively around his waist. The bedroom window was open and a slither of light seeped between the curtains and fell over Cuddy's curvaceous figure. A smile crept over House's face before he had even opened his eyes. In the four months that had passed since he'd come back to the hospital and concurrently back into Cuddy's arms, he had not fully reconciled himself to this happy comfortable feeling he felt the moment he woke up next to her. As if any second it would all be ripped away from him, and after everything that had happened, he honestly wasn't sure he could handle that.

Their professional life was as hectic and hostile as ever, even more so as, more than a few times, they clashed so hard they didn't want to be around each other that night. But they always made up, and House rarely spent a night in his own apartment…actually he rarely spent more than a few minutes there at time, just stopping in to pick up clothes or mail.

Cuddy shifted beside him and rolled so that the sexy tangled mess of dark hair fell on his shoulder and her lips pressed against his chest. She was awake though it would be at least another ten minutes before either of them would move or speak. He ran a hand up and then back down her back and listened to the soft purrs and moans that escaped her lips.

The sound of padded feet rustled in the hall outside of their room and a moment later a raven haired figure clutching a green bear blanket appeared in the doorway. At sixteen months, Rachel was bound and determined that she would not be confined anywhere she didn't want to be and had, for the last several days, been climbing out of her crib on her own.

_We'll have to get her a toddle bed soon before she cracks her head open_, House thought. And then as an afterthought, annoyed with himself for the domesticated musings, _or a cage with a locked gate. _

He nodded gesturing to the little girl that she could come into bed with them. Rachel smiled and flung herself at the bed, grappling with the covers as she struggle to climb up the high frame. Cuddy groaned and rolled over, tucking the sheet around her as her eyes fluttered open to find her daughter's grinning face right in front of her. Cuddy smiled and stuck out her tongue, licking the tip of Rachel's nose as she fell back on the comforter giggling.

House watched the two of them with a sense of unease. They, the three of them, were so sickly happy right now he didn't want to disturb that, but still. Cuddy and Rachel were a family. House was on the outside looking in, and even though he had decided when this thing between him and Cuddy started that Rachel was a part of the package and he wanted the whole thing. But he still had no idea what that meant or how he fit in. Cuddy didn't want to force the issue, and so didn't bring it up and House didn't ask, and so they just let themselves be and it was nice. But he knew it couldn't go on being _nice_ forever. Eventually he was going to do something to screw this up.

**

* * *

**

A few minutes later Cuddy crawled out of bed and peeked into the kitchen where House was making oatmeal for Rachel and coffee for himself. House noticed from the moment she was fully awake that she was tense about something. He watched her closely, and on the surface everything was fine. She smiled forcefully in front of them but as soon as she turned away the smile faded and a worried almost painful look graced her eyes. And her hands, he noticed. She fidgeted with them, which was something she never ever did because it betrayed her nervousness and destroyed her controlled exterior.

But he said nothing. If she was upset about something, she'd tell him. She would.

When they arrived at the hospital that morning she reached for him and gently squeezed his hand as they parted, her to her office and him for the elevator. He smiled back at her and the nurses buzzing around the clinic smiled slyly at the two doctor's brief show of intimacy but said nothing. House and Cuddy didn't bother hiding their relationship, there was no reason to because as they quickly discovered, they were very apt at compartmentalizing themselves and keeping separate what was professional and what was personal. And at the end of the day, all of Cuddy's bosses agreed that while House was a righteous pain in the ass and a sever liability, he was ultimately an asset to their hospital and no one but Cuddy wanted to or would be able to deal with him, so it was better to look the other way when it came to rumors that were by now several years in the making.

House didn't even bother stopping into his office, but headed straight for Wilson's. He swung the door open, glanced around the office and, satisfied that they were alone, dropped down onto Wilson's couch.

"What's going on with Cuddy?" House asked. Wilson glanced up from the file on his desk, and rose a questioning brow. House continued, "She's acting distant and nervous, and quiet. This morning I told her the skirt she was wearing made her look like an over-priced hooker and she barely even rolled her eyes at me." House drummed his fingers on the coffee table and waited for some insight.

But Wilson just shrugged his shoulders and looked back down at his file. "You practically live with her. If something was going on with her you'd be the first to know about it."

"I know something's going on," he said. "She won't tell me, but she would go running to her best girlfriend wouldn't she?"

"Not true," Wilson said. "You've complained to me lots of times about how she always comes to you to complain about stuff that's bothering her."

House thought about that for a moment. It was true, most of the time, Cuddy confided in him about almost everything, whether he wanted to hear it or not. Almost everything. "So if she's not talking to me then she must be upset with me, or it's about the kid," he mumbled.

"Rachel? That's probably it," Wilson said. "She's nervous about the hearing tomorrow."

House looked up at his friend. "Hearing?"

"You couldn't possibly be that self-involved, could you? The final adoption hearing. She finds out tomorrow if the adoption will be granted and she gets to keep her child."

House shook his head slightly. _Was it possible that he was that self involved, or that he was so distracted by his last couple of cases that he spaced this bit of important information? Though the final adoption hearing seemed like something that would stick with him… _

He stood up and limped over to Wilson's computer. "Move," he told his friend, ushering him out of the way. House sat down and logged onto the hospital mainframe and into Cuddy's personal files. He typed in her password, then opened her appointment book and clicked on tomorrow's date. She had the whole day marked out. No indication of where she'd be or what she'd be doing just the word "UNAVAILABLE" marked at every hour.

House closed his eyes and brushed a hand over his mouth. "Why didn't she tell me?" He wondered aloud.

Wilson shook his head. "You honestly didn't know?" He was worried that he had revealed something to his friend that Cuddy wanted kept private (god knows why) but she never told him not to tell.

"She would've told me," House said. "How do you know about it?"

"The judge wants to speak to her case worker and the people who wrote her recommendations before he makes a final ruling. Cameron is going too, and Cuddy's sister."

House scoffed. "Cuddy's sister? She hardly even sees Rachel."

Wilson recognized the hurt in House's voice, though he would never admit it, he had been shunned from this whole process, even know when the two of them seemingly couldn't get any closer, and it was affecting him. "House, this whole adoption thing started a long time ago. When we got involved you weren't even here, you were—"

House held up a hand cutting him off, not needing to be reminded of where he was and why he couldn't be there. He wondered though if he had been around would she have let him get involved. He never would've asked to be a part of it, so probably not. House stared at the computer for another moment before standing up and walking to the door. He looked back at Wilson. "Don't say anything to her about this."

Wilson narrowed his eyes. "Why? What are you gonna do?"

House glanced out the window and into his own office noticing that the team was gathering around the conference table. He looked back at Wilson. "It's her business. If she wants me to know about the hearing, she'll tell me."

Wilson frowned a little more in disbelief. "So…you're not going to do anything."

House opened the office door. "Of course not," he said and then disappeared from the room.

**

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**

Later that evening, Cuddy came up to House's office before leaving for the day. Most of the time they left together but when he had a case, as he did now, he was usually there pretty late. She saw him sitting on the conference table, his back to her, one leg propped up on a chair and his fingers kneaded the tissue in his thigh. She stepped up quietly behind him and rested her chin on his shoulder.

House smiled briefly before the painful feeling of betrayal that he had been carrying all day since learning about the adoption hearing came flooding back. He shifted slightly away from her, but turned to face her. "You leaving?" he asked.

She nodded and then looked up at the nonsensical list of symptoms crowding his whiteboard. "Must be a complicated case," she commented. "You haven't been down to annoy me all day long."

"It is," he said. "But don't worry I'll make it up by driving you bat shit crazy tomorrow," he said, his voice flat, and untelling as and waited for her reaction. He felt her shift uncomfortably behind him.

"Not likely," she finally said. "I'm out in a meeting all day tomorrow." Her lie struck him viciously. Omission, he corrected himself; not technically a lie.

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said disregarding her _omission_. "Just waiting on Talb to finish an iodine uptake."

Cuddy nodded, and stepped around to face him. She placed the palm of her small hand on his cheek and stroked it before leaning down and pressing her lips to his. She was feeling guilty, he realized. It was very unlike her to be this openly affectionate with him at the hospital even if it was after hours. She felt bad and she wasn't really even trying to hide it.

House decided that if she was going to cut him out of her life, he might as well take advantage of her lechery. He parted his legs and pulled her close to him, while slipping his hands under her jacket. She parted her lips and let him deepen the kiss, not pulling away until she felt his hand move down to cup her ass.

"House…" she whispered breathless from their kiss. He nodded and leaned back away from her.

"What's going on with you?" he said. His voice was firm, but not accusing or harsh.

"Nothing," she said. And then realizing that he knew her better than that and that he wouldn't let it drop if she gave him nothing, she added. "Budgets for next quarter are due in a few days, and there are a lot of things that are going to have to get cut. I'm just trying to work all of that out." It was the truth…just not the truth he was looking for.

He looked away from her. "Okay." She nodded, knowing that her answer hadn't satisfied him, but it would do for now. She just needed to get through the next 24 hours. She gave him another brief kiss and then turned to leave.

"Hey, Cuddy?" House said. She paused at the door and looked back at him. "Give Rachel a kiss goodnight for me, okay?" He turned back to her to gauge her reaction, his eyes narrowed slightly. She bit her bottom lip and then nodded hesitantly.

"I will," she said, and then turned away and hurried to the elevator. House stared after her. A reckless anger building inside his stomach. He leaned again hard on his leg, wishing at that moment that he had never gone off Vicodin, that she never found that kid and most of all, that he had never fallen in love with Lisa Cuddy.

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	10. Chapter 10

**The Daylight**

**Chapter 10**

The next morning House sat at Cuddy's kitchen table with his acoustic guitar in hand. Rachel sat on the floor at his feet with the contents of Cuddy's cabinet full of pots and pans strewn around her. Cuddy leaned against the kitchen counter behind them freshly showered, sipping her coffee and watching silently as House would play a few cords and Rachel would follow him as she knocked a wooden spoon against a metal pot. House smiled down at her a sad sort of revelry as if he'd just uncovered buried treasure and it was about to be taken away from him.

He hadn't slept well that night. When he finally decided to leave the hospital he was torn between going to Cuddy's and going home, but in the end Cuddy won out; she always did. But when he crawled into her bed and she wrapped her slender frame around him out of habit and tangled her fingers into the sparse hairs on his chest, a sinking sickening feeling came over him and he found it hard to breathe. _Why was she keeping something like this from him? _The thought occurred to him as he sat there, her eyes fixated at his back that the reason why she didn't tell him was because she didn't want him at the hearing, and she didn't want him at the hearing because she was worried he'd so something to ruin her chances at getting the adoption finalized. The thought, while understandable in its way, sickened him after everything they had been through together to bring them to this place.

He strummed twice more and Rachel followed with two bangs against her pot. He stifled a laugh when she held the spoon in the air triumphantly and said, in half observation and half questioning his approval, "Pretty?"

House nodded. "You rocked it foxy lady." She giggled and then slammed the spoon down once again, nearly toppling over from laughter. Cuddy caught a tear in the corner of her eye and brushed it away before it could fall. She sat her mug on the counter and stretched her arms out in front of her.

"Come here precious," she said in a cracked voice, and Rachel dropped the spoon at once and jumped up flying into her mother's arms. She kissed the tip of her daughter's nose and glanced down at House. "It's amazing the way she responds to you," Cuddy said to House, who still had his back to her.

When he turned around and looked at her, really for the first time that morning, he noticed two things right away. The first was that she was dressed in one of the less slutty business suits she owned. The second was that as she held onto Rachel and stroked the little girl's hair, Cuddy's hands were trembling.

"Most chicks do respond to me," he said. "You certainly do." His voice was light but slightly on edge. She didn't smile; didn't even look up. House shook his head and got up from the table. "I'm going to the hospital," he said.

As he started to move past her Cuddy caught his hand. "House, wait." He paused, grateful this tense awkward angry silence of the morning was about to pass and she was about to come clean about the adoption hearing. Her grip on his hand was shaky and when she met his eyes, he saw her resolve crumble. "Um…" she started slowly, and then something seemed to change her mind. She let go of his hand and turned her back to him. "You may not be able to reach me today," she said quickly. "If something happens with your case talk to Foreman, okay."

House stared after her for a moment, his mouth slightly opened, eyes wide and wild with frustration. Without a word, he grabbed his jacket and walked out on them.

**

* * *

**

Two hours later Cuddy was sitting next to Wilson in the lobby outside of the judge's chamber. The judge had called in the caseworker first and then Cuddy's sister. Both had spoken with her and then left, then Cameron was called and she was in with the judge at the moment.

Wilson was nervously awaiting his turn as he leaned down to Cuddy. "It's in the bag you know. There is no way on earth they wouldn't keep that little girl with you now."

Cuddy nodded. She had been very quiet for most of the morning, and after a few silent seconds she leaned over to Wilson. "I never told House that today was the day," she whispered, and felt him tense up next to her. She glanced over at him. "But he already knows doesn't he?"

Wilson nodded slowly, not looking at her. "I didn't know it was a secret, I'm so sorry. He was worried about you and—"

"It's okay," she said, putting a hand on his leg to end the apology. "It wasn't exactly a secret, I just…I don't know."

"You didn't think he'd care?" Wilson questioned her, in a bit of disbelief.

She shook her head. "I guess I didn't want him to see how scared I was of losing her."

"You should let him see it, Cuddy. You've seen him at his absolute worst more than once. Why should you go on pretending to be unshakable around him? He thinks you don't trust him."

Cuddy withdrew her hand when the office door opened and Cameron stepped out. She walked over to Cuddy and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Everything went fine," she said with an overly supportive smile. "And the judge seems really nice."

Cuddy nodded and thanked her. They were saying goodbye when an assistant peeked his head out of the office. "Dr. Wilson, Judge Harris is ready to speak with you.

**

* * *

**

House sat in his car outside of his apartment and took a deep and frustrated breath. He'd gone inside but only stayed a moment before the walls threatened to close in on him and he had to leave. It didn't matter; he'd gotten what he came for.

As he drummed the steering wheel and contemplated his next move, his hand had already reached into the pocket of his jacket, grabbed his phone and started to dial. After a few rings the annoyed voice on the other end picked up and snapped into the phone. House said nothing for a moment and then, "I need a favor."

* * *

Judge Natalie Harris was a woman in her sixties whose sterling grey hair fell nearly to her hips and whipped at her waist as she flitted around her office, her robe billowing around like a smoke cloud. When she finally sat down she fixed her cool eyes on Cuddy and smiled. "This has been quite a long process," the judge commented as she turned her attention to the notes she'd made in her meetings that morning.

Cuddy nodded. "It's worth every second," she said without hesitation. The judge looked up and grinned.

"Quite," she said, and then looked back down at her notes. Everyone else had been sent away and the judge now wanted to speak with Cuddy privately. Cuddy's nervousness only grew when Wilson walked out and gave her a weak smile before quickly exiting the building without a word.

After several minutes of no one saying a word, Judge Harris looked up and took off her glasses setting then down on Cuddy's file. "My concern Dr. Cuddy is that while your professional life is stable, and your income sound, you are kept quite busy in your position, are you not?"

"Yes, that's true, but I've made arrangements for her care while I'm gone and—"

"I understand that Dr. Cuddy, but my concern is that Rachel not become a secondary priority should your position become more demanding."

A split second later the doors to the judge's chamber swung open and House stumbled inside, cursing after having just banged his leg on the door frame. "Son-of-a-bitch!" He shouted as he held onto his cane and slammed closed the door to the office. After having regained his composure he looked up to see Cuddy and the judge staring at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"Excuse me sir," the judge said. "This is a closed hearing. Who might you be?"

"I just came to pay some outstanding parking tickets," he said with a smug look on his face. "Do I do that here?"

"House!" Cuddy hissed at him and then slowly turned back to the judge, an apology already on the tip of her tongue.

"Dr. Cuddy, who is this man?" The judge asked cutting her off.

"I'm so sorry. He's my employee and—"

"Employee and lover," House said, dropping down into a chair next to Cuddy. "How's it going sweet cheeks?"

Cuddy pulled her hand away from him when he tried to take it and, her face turning red and fuming, she turned to the judge. "Soon to be ex-employee. I am so so sorry, I had no idea—"

The judge held up her hand to silence them both. "Dr. Cuddy you told this court you were single. Is mister—"

"_Doctor_," House interrupted, " Greg House." He stretched out a hand which the judge ignored.

"I didn't mean to mislead you, I...we're involved, but we haven't really—"

"Is Dr. House living with you?" The judge asked.

"I have my own place," House answered.

Cuddy nodded slowly, understanding what the judge was asking. "Not officially no. He has spent most of the past four months at my home. He…he spends a lot of time with Rachel." The judge nodded and wrote a note in Cuddy's file. Cuddy's heart seized in her chest.

House closed his eyes. This was the moment where he had to make a decision. Act like an ass and cause her to be denied the adoption and lose her and Rachel forever. Or he could do what he came here to do. House put his clenched fists inside of his jacket pockets and cleared his throat.

"I actually came here to talk to you about that Judge," he said as Cuddy drew in a breath and shook her head; a petrified look crossing her face.

"Dr. Cuddy didn't impose on you to be a reference in this case," the judge challenged him.

"And yet I still want to be here," he said, almost indignant as if even the judge was acknowledging how absurd Cuddy was to cut him out of this. "If you'll hear me."

The judge met his eyes and then glanced over at Cuddy who, by this time had her head resting in her hands, probably saying a silent goodbye to her daughter. The judge looked back over at House. "Make it fast."

House nodded and glanced over at Cuddy who was pleading with her eyes for him to just go. He looked back at the judge. "Cuddy is a great mom. I've said some things to make her doubt that in the past but she really is so wonderful with Rachel. I'm sure that everyone who has walked into this room told you about how dedicated she is, and how she takes great care of her, and balances all her responsibilities, blah blah blah."

The judge nodded slowly, and Cuddy opened her mouth to stop House and put an end to this, but he held up a hand to stop her. "This is between me and the judge honey. You'll get your turn in a minute," his smug misogynistic manner cutting her off. He looked back at the judge who seemed amused at Cuddy's raised brow, and House's stupid assertiveness.

"What they can't tell you about, is how she came to my office the day the two of them fell in love with each other, just to tell me about it. Or how she was so angry when she had to come back to work and leave her with the nanny that she nearly beat me to a bloody pulp. Or how when she has to work late and Rachel's sleeping when she gets home, the first thing she does is walk in her room and rubs her back while she sleeps. I keep telling her that she's comatose and doesn't even know she's there but…." House found himself trailing off and he looked up at the judge. "And I'm the only one that makes her professional life hell," He said responding to concerns the judge was addressing when he first walked in the room. He leaned in a bit as if doing so would keep Cuddy from hearing him. "And between you and me, I've been trying to tone it down some."

"How considerate," Judge Harris said as she glanced over at Cuddy whose smile she had been trying to conceal was starting to crack the surface.

"I didn't come here to try and convince you to approve the adoption," he said. "I know that you were going to do that anyways. I…I came here because I have a favor to ask." House's fingers closed around a small trinket in his pocket and pulled it out laying the ring on the judge's desk. The slightly dulled sterling silver banded Claddagh, with its crowned heart encased in two small hands sat there like a ticking bomb. Cuddy drew in a breath.

"I gave her this ring when we first met, and a few years ago she gave it back to me. But I knew that one day we would end up back here. Well not right here, but you know what I mean. But if you say yes and we do this thing today, I'll buy you a diamond and we can have a big ceremony if that's what you want, or maybe in a year we could renew our vows, you know if we make it to a year…"

"You'll by me a diamond _if_ I say yes?" Cuddy playfully scoffed at him.

House looked over at her, realizing that he had been talking to her but looking at the judge. "Well you didn't give me a lot of time to plan this out when you decided not to tell me about this little gathering."

"I'm sorry," the judge broke in. "What's going on here?"

House looked back at the judge and reached into his pocket once again taking out another ring, a more masculine design of Cuddy's ring and laid it next to hers on the judge's desk. "I want her to marry me," he said. "Today."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Okay so here's the deal...This story went on hiatus some time ago, because between work and how sucky I had been feeling about the show, I couldn't manage to finish it. Then lo and behold the finale came and with it brought my mojo back =) I've finished the story and will be posting it all in the next couple of days. Two chapters today, probably another tonight and one or two a day for the next few days until it is done. Just a refresher: This story was started before season six and continues the backstory and history I set up in "Remember December." So none of the events or people from season six exist in this world; No Dr. Noland, no Lydia, no House moving in with Wilson, or Cuddy humping Lucas,...none of that (if you can imagine such a crazy world). I hope you enjoy, and please drop me a line on your way out.

**The Daylight**

**Chapter 11**

"_I'm sorry," the judge broke in. "What's going on here?"_

_House looked back at the judge and reached into his pocket once again taking out another ring, a more masculine design of Cuddy's ring and laid it next to hers on the judge's desk. __"I want her to marry me," he said. "Today."_

_

* * *

_

Cuddy's eye's grew wide and her heartbeat quickened as she looked from House to the 20 year old ring laying on the desk. The judge smirked and gathered the adoption papers into a folder.

"Excuse me," she said as she stood up. "I'll leave you two a minute while I finalize the adoption papers. Congratulations Dr. Cuddy; you're her mom now."

The judge stepped out of the room and Cuddy looked up at House. "Thank you. For what you said about me and Rachel; that was…" She couldn't even finish the thought. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so touched and overwhelmed by something he'd said or done for her.

"Yeah well, you've lied to a judge for me before. I thought I'd repay the favor." They both smiled and House let his hand fall from her shoulders to grip her hand still resting in her lap. "I'm happy for you," he said. "I hope you believe that."

"I do," she answered. "I know you had a hard time with her at first but I know you're happy I get to keep her."

"We get to keep her," he said pointedly.

Cuddy looked away from him and down toward the floor between them. "House—"

"Say yes Cuddy," he said, his voice pleading more than he'd intended.

But Cuddy didn't say yes. She'd told him that they should take some time to think about it, to make sure it was right. Wilson later pointed out that if House had been a grown up about it let her take what time she needed, she probably would've said yes sooner or later.

But House wouldn't be House if he didn't push everything to its limit. He accused her of trying to push him away. She begged him to let them enjoy what they had, and House told her that _he_ didn't really have anything. He picked up the rings and walked out. He pushed past Wilson who had gone to Cuddy's to pick up Rachel as he'd asked, and taking one long look at the baby girl, he cursed under his breath and left the courthouse. He never came home that night.

* * *

**Two Days Later**

"He's still not talking to you?" Wilson sat a cup of coffee down in front of Cuddy and waited for her to either invite him to sit or tell him to go away. She had done both several times over the past 48 hours and at this point it was a toss-up. She nodded and he took a seat in the vacant cafeteria chair next to her.

"Not much," She said. "He was at my house with Rachel yesterday when I got home and when I asked him to stay he mumbled something and left." She took a sip of her coffee and Wilson frowned. "I wonder if I made a mistake." She finally said.

"You just wanted to give it some time right?" Wilson interrupted her thoughts. "He'll get over it Cuddy. His pride is hurt but he loves you and—"

"I don't think that's it," she said cutting him off. "If it was right it would feel right, right now. I think…" She trailed off, not really talking to Wilson anymore, just thinking out loud. "I think sometimes two people try and try and want to be together so bad but it just doesn't work and neither of us will be happy until we admit that."

Wilson shook his head. "What are you talking about, Try and try? You two flirted around a relationship for years, got together and a few months later you're not speaking. As far as effort goes I wouldn't exactly—"

Cuddy stared at him, obviously holding something back; something that she and House had both kept from him. "I'm talking about House and me and if this does turn out to be a break up it will be the third one in twenty years. "

Wilson blinked. "You—I figured you two had something in college but House always denied it. And then…"

"And then again right before you came to work here." She took another sip of her coffee. "Did you ever wonder why we were so hesitant to get involved with each other? We weren't acting like two people who were scared we were acting like two people who knew better."

Wilson stared at her in blank silence for a second too long before cuddy decided that this was the end of the conversation. She stood up, grabbed her coffee and walked away, leaving Wilson dumbfounded.

As expected Wilson's next stop after Cuddy walked out on him was to head straight for House's office. He paused outside the door when he saw House staring blankly at the whiteboard not listening to his team gathered around the conference table. While Wilson was debating whether or not this discussion was more important than a dying patient, House looked over and saw him standing there. He nodded to his inner office and after throwing a smartass remark to the team he met Wilson on the other side of the door.

"What?" He sniped and took a seat behind the desk.

"How long are you going to keep punishing her?" Wilson didn't bother beating around the bush.

"I asked her to marry me she said no. I'm not punishing her, I'm just giving her what she wants."

"You know this isn't what she wants."

"No she wanted to be a mother and she got her wish, but she knows I'd make a lousy father. That's why she said no. What do you want me to do?" House was clearly irritated. He glanced out at his team who had looked up when he raised his voice.

Wilson sat down across from House and then in a slight whisper said, "I know that the two of you were involved before."

"What?"

"Cuddy told me."

House shook his head. "Of course she did. And?"

"And, besides being a little hurt that you kept it from me, I think that it explains a lot."

"The fact that she shamelessly throws herself at me every few years and I'm powerless to resist her explains a lot?"

Wilson ignored him. "Cuddy, thinks that you two aren't meant to be together. I think that if that were true you would've been able to let go of her and move on but you never really have."

"Well, maybe now I really will." Wilson stared at him without saying anything and House looked away. "I'm done chasing her. If she wants me then she needs to commit to me, if she doesn't then I guess that's it."

A light tap on the door made both men snap their heads up to find Cuddy waiting for them to finish. "Can I talk to you?" She said to House. Wilson jumped out of the chair and headed for the door, giving her a nervous look as he passed.

"What do you want?" House asked her coldly. Cuddy didn't come into the office but kept her hand on the doorframe, as if she were getting ready to run.

"How long are you going to keep acting like this?" She said.

"Until you change your mind," he said stubbornly. "Or until you break up with me."

"If I break up with you then you'll stop being mad at me?" She smiled slightly. "Fine, then it's over." House crossed his arms over his chest not amused. Finally she closed the door and walked over to stand in front of him, blocking his fellows view. "Come on House, you don't want to get married, you didn't even want to date me for the longest time. You're just doing this because you're scared now that I've adopted Rachel you think I'm going to leave you."

House rolled his eyes, standing up to take a step toward her. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"I agree," Cuddy said. She reached for his hand and he let her take it. "But it's true isn't it?"

He wouldn't look at her. "I do want to get married," he said. "The reason doesn't matter. I love you, you love me, we have a kid, and it won't get any better than this. There's no reason to wait, because you're not going to wake up suddenly one day and realize that it feels right."

"The reason does matter," she said, the sting of her parents suddenly growing tired of each other and walking away from a 20 year marriage still palpable in her voice. Her father was alone when he passed away, and her mother had never been able to recover from the loss. It had been so long ago but even now it colored the way she looked at any kind of real commitment. "I know what you and I have. The fact that I'm secure enough in our relationship that I don't feel the need to tie you down, should not be taken as me trying to push you away."

House didn't respond. She might be secure in what they had, but only because it meant that they could walk away easily if things got hard. Normally he would be quick to point out her contradictions, but not today. Today he just wanted her away from him.

She shook her head at his silence and dropped her hands in defeat. "Fine," she said. "I really just came up here to tell you that Rachel and I are driving up to Boston this weekend. We're leaving in the morning so if you want to come—"

"I don't," his answer was terse and agitated as if he were waiting for her to plead with him. Cuddy shook her head, deciding that she wasn't going to play this game.

"Fine," she said and walked away from him without another word.

**

* * *

**

He was being stubborn. He spent the night in his own apartment again that night, and though he considered calling her or going over there and apologizing half a dozen times, his pride won out. He decided that she was right, they had something good. Who the hell was he to give her an ultimatum? Probably what she wanted was just to know that this wasn't just a whim or a reaction to her adopting Rachel. But she had walked out on him with barely a hesitation, like it didn't matter to her in the least if he was hurting. What was this fight about really? He loved her so much he wanted her to be his wife and she said no…what did he have to apologize for?

These were the things keeping him awake at night. He decided sometime around four in the morning that the best course of action would be to let her take the weekend to miss him and when she came back, he'd give her a real ring and tell her she'd put it on her finger when she's ready.

At six-thirty he got a text from Cuddy: LAST CHANCE?

He stared at it for a few seconds and then closed his phone and rolled over. An hour later he got up and dragged himself into the hospital.

"What are you doing here?" Wilson stepped off the elevator a few hours later around noon and found House scribbling something on a chart outside of the clinic.

House glanced up momentarily and then back down again. "Cuddy won't let me take a case until she gets back and she gave my team the weekend off." He tossed the pen down on the counter and stared at the stack of patient files waiting in front of him.

"So you're working in the clinic out of spite?" Wilson asked an incredulous look on his face. "That'll teach her." House looked annoyed but didn't respond. "She left this morning?" House nodded and pulled another file from the stack. "You should've gone with her," Wilson said.

"Yeah," House said. He handed Wilson the file and turned to walk out of the clinic, but the receptionist at the nurses' station called out that there was a phone call for him. "I'm out for the day," he mumbled back.

"Dr. House, it's someone from St. Francis Hospital in Boston," House froze and slowly turned back to the desk to see the nurse holding a phone out toward him. "She said it's about Dr. Cuddy."


	12. Chapter 12

**The Daylight**

**Chapter 12**

House didn't take the phone or wait for the nurse to explain what had happened. He spun back toward the front door and after two long strides he dropped his cane which clattered to the floor with an echo that seemed to hold everyone else where they were watching as if in slow motion as House broke into a run. He crossed the lobby and hit the front doors, shoving passed a woman with a broken arm and disappeared toward the parking lot.

Wilson shook himself and grabbed the phone. "What's going on?" he said.

A minute later Wilson stormed out of the building and searched for House's car, which he spotted still in its parking space. He crossed over and saw House pushing himself off his knees in the snow, his breathing heavy and haggard.

"House!" he called out and ran over to help his friend off the ground.

"She wanted me to go with them," House said in a breathless tortured voice.

"So you're going to run through the snow and ice on a bad leg, fall and give yourself a concussion just to teach yourself a lesson?" Wilson pulled House around to the passenger side and opened the door. House fell into, more than sat down in, the seat and tossed his head back against the headrest. He pressed his hand down on his thigh and cringed.

Wilson came around to the driver's side and got in. He held his hands out for the keys which House surrendered without a word. "They were in a car accident," Wilson said as he pulled out of the lot and onto the main street toward the interstate. House swallowed hard and looked down at his feet on the floorboard. "Cuddy has some internal bleeding and she has to go into surgery this afternoon." House turned his head toward Wilson, his eyes wide, his mind calculating all the possible consequences to internal bleeding depending on how extensive the damage.

"And Rachel?" he finally coughed out.

Wilson nodded, choosing his words carefully. "She was in the car," he said. "The ER nurse wouldn't give me any details; she said she was looking for next of kin." House closed his eyes and leaned against the cold glass. Wilson took a deep breath. "Should we try to get a flight?" He said, his pragmatic coping mechanism kicking into gear. "It's a four hour drive, but there's no guarantee that if we tried to get a flight we'd get there any quicker. It might be better to just drive straight through—"

House cut him off. "What did you tell them?"

"What?"

"When they asked for next of kin, what did you say?"

"I told them we'd be there as fast as we could." Wilson gripped the steering wheel tight already knowing what was in House's mind.

"Technically Cuddy's mom is next of kin. Legally."

Wilson glanced over at House wondering at the possibility that this was a responsibility that House no longer wanted. "Do you want me to call her?"

House stared at the road ahead, the broken white lines whipping by and he remembered Amber's ER doctor after the bus crash. _That's not your call to make._ House slowly shook his head. "After we get there and figure out what's happening, we'll call." He stared at the road a moment longer. "You're right; driving is quicker," he said. "Take 95."

**

* * *

**

The emergency room at St. Francis was chaotic and crowded, and House, who had tunnel vision the entire way up, walked into the building already on offense.

"Lisa Cuddy," he barked at a nurse at information. The nurse's eyes widened and she reached for a file.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Greg House."

"Mr. House you were listed on Dr. Cuddy's emergency contact sheet. We called because we're trying to locate next of kin."

Wilson stepped up to the counter. "We haven't been able to reach her mother," he lied. "What's happened?"

"What's your relationship to Dr. Cuddy?" The nurse asked. Her tone was flat and firm. Not harsh but unyielding.

"We're her friends," Wilson said, giving House a sidelong glance. The nurse gave them a sympathetic smile and started to shake her head, but House slammed a flat hand down on the counter sending a stack of papers flying to the ground. "Sir!"

"I'm Rachel Cuddy's father," he said, his eyes locked into the nurse's face.

Wilson's eyes grew wide but House stepped in front of him and glared at the nurse for a moment. When she didn't respond he said, "I have to see them."

The nurse nodded slowly and put Cuddy's file down on the desk and picked up another one. "Dr. Cuddy just went into surgery," she said. He had startled her, and her voice was unsteady. "I can tell you she's stable so far, but that's all I can say until her mother gets here." House glanced at Wilson and he nodded.

"I'll call her," he said.

"What about Rachel?" House turned his attention back to the nurse.

"She…" the nurse paused and swallowed, apparently nervous as to how House would react to what she had to tell him.

"Nevermind," he said. "Just tell me where she's at."

"Mr. House—"

"Where is she?" he snapped.

The nurse stepped from around the station and took his elbow. "She's in a coma," she told him. House felt like he had been kicked in the chest. He raised a hand to his mouth but said nothing. "Her doctor's will come and talk to you, but you should know what to expect." House looked at her wide eyed and was, for the first time since he got the phone call, genuinely terrified. "The van that hit them, hit the driver's side. You're daughter's car seat was on that side, and…she is very badly hurt."

The nurse led him down a long hallway and through a set of doors marked, "Intensive Care Unit—Hospital Personnel Only"

As they stepped into the room, House felt his stomach turn upside down. She was so small in that bed. So tiny. But her face was bruised and twice its normal size. Her eyes and lips where purple and she had bandages on her scalp. Her tiny left hand was wrapped in white gauze and she had a shunt in her brain to drain the blood.

House closed his eyes and turned away from her. His eyes pooled as he looked up at the nurse. She reached out to touch his arm but he shook her off. "Get her doctor," he said. "And come tell me when her mother is out of surgery."

The nurse dropped her hand to her side and nodded. House waited as she left the room and the door swung closed behind her. He swung his arm around and his fist hit the solid cement wall, and he felt the bones in his hand splinter and crack. He cried out and dropped into a chair next to her bed. His brain was overcome with a blinding pain, and he nearly blacked out. Blood started to run over his fingers. He wrapped his hand in the folds of his shirt and stared at the little girl. His breathing kept time with the short stopped beeps of her respirator, and his hand trembled as he put it on the bed next to her.

"You were supposed to be dead before you were even born," he whispered to her. "The fact that you're still alive…" He wanted to tell her that she was a miracle, but he didn't believe in such things. "You made me love you now you have to stay here and deal with me."

He watched her chest rise and fall but she didn't respond. Rationally he knew she wouldn't.

The door cracked open and a young doctor in a white lab coat stepped into the room. "Mr. House?" House nodded, but ignored the young man's outstretched hand.

"I'm Dr. Wiese," he stepped to the other side of Rachel's bed and examined her IV. He picked up her chart and scribbled something down. "I need to ask you some things about Rachel's medical history, is that alright?"

House nodded again. "Wha—what happened to her?"

"She has a severe concussion and when she came in she had a bleed in her brain. We've inserted a shunt to help drain the blood, but now we're starting to see some swelling." He paused to make sure House was following him, but got no response. "Shortly after that procedure she slipped into a comatose state. She has two broken ribs and her right leg is fractured."

House swallowed and his hand was instinctively drawn to his own thigh. "Tell me the guy driving the van who hit them is dead," his throat had gone raw.

Dr. Wiese took a step closer to House. "Mr. House I need you to tell me a couple of things and it is imperative that I get a straight answer from you, do you understand?"

House looked up at the doctor for the first time. "Doctor House," he corrected the younger man. "What do you need to know?"

"You're a physician?" He asked. House nodded again. "Then you know that your daughter's condition is very serious. If we can't distinguish new injuries from old ones we are going to have a difficult time diagnosing her." House narrowed his eyes but waited for Wiese to get to his question. Wiese cleared his throat. "Has there ever been any…" He paused and seemed uncomfortable. "Is there any history of domestic violence in her home?"

"Never." He was suddenly distracted from the horrifying sight in front of him and focusing on what the doctor was saying. There was only one reason to ask that kind of question. "You suspect brain damage."

Wiese nodded. "An MRI of her brain shows injuries that were not sustained during the crash. Old scaring."

House nodded and stood up. He stepped away from the bed and Wiese followed him. "It's not trauma," House told him. "Her mother had Eclampsia."

Wiese looked down at another chart. "We had Plainsboro send Dr. Cuddy's medical records, and that isn't in it."

House let out an indignant noise. "No, it isn't. Neither is a pregnancy or childbirth for that matter. Good to know you're paying attention though."

"Rachel's adopted?"

"You're sharp as a broken tack."

"You adopted her together, but you aren't married?"

"Not medically relevant," House snapped. The doctor stiffened, but decided not to push. House was the only person present who could give him any kind of insight at the moment.

"So her brain damage could be a byproduct of the eclampsia. Has she been diagnosed?"

House shook his head. "She's always seemed perfectly healthy." He looked down at her again. If she had shown symptoms of brain damage he was sure he would've seen it.

House looked back at Wiese. "Please," he said in his most restrained manner, "tell me what is happening with Cuddy." Wiese gave him a confused look and glanced back over at Rachel. "Lisa," House said. "Her mother."

Weise nodded. "Her surgeons said that so far everything is going as it should." He stopped again and stepped close to House. "Dr. House, when they brought her in she wasn't coherent, and she doesn't know about her daughter's condition yet."

House rubbed his hand over his face. It was becoming too much to process. In any other instance he would hide in the next room and take a cold clinical look at the situation and react in the most rational way. It usually worked for him but not this time.

"I'll have someone come and get you when she's out of surgery." Weise waited for House to answer him but all he got was a blank stare so he turned and left the room.

House stepped over to Rachel's bed and picked up her chart. He shuffled back to the door and then back over to the bed and sat down again before he opened it. His mind was swimming. He had taken responsibility for this little girl knowing full well he had no rights. Not as her father, not as her doctor, or anything else useful. And the only person who could give him that authority was laying unconscious on an operating table somewhere. It became hard to breathe. He tried to focus on the chart but his mind wouldn't leave Cuddy. He needed to see her.

He closed the chart and as he stood up the alarm on Rachel's heart monitor screamed. He dropped her chart to the floor. _Defib_. He thought. He pulled the sheet from her body and pressed his fingers over her tiny chest and started compressions. Within seconds two nurses and Dr. Wiese bust through the door and House allowed himself to be pushed aside. His eyes never left her monitor and he watched as the constant flat green line made a tiny jump as Wiese pulled out the infant paddles and called for them to clear. Another jump and it went flat again. And another. House had never really understood the metaphor of feeling one's heart sink. Not until now.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm glad people are still interested in this story after so long. =) Here's the next bit...I'd be _very _interested to hear what you think about this one so keep 'em coming.

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**The Daylight**

**Chapter 13 **

An hour later, House was sitting in a richly furnished office in front of a desk with a name plate reading "Dr. Jason Mathews—Dean of Medicine." House had gone down to find Wilson once they had stabilized Rachel. He needed him to call the team and get them up here. And he had to find Cuddy. But while Wilson was protesting against House's plan to swoop in and take over Rachel's case on several grounds, one of the nurses came to get House and led him to Dr. Mathews' office. Dr. Wiese was waiting there as the older man sat behind his desk and skimmed over Rachel's medical files and tugged at his long gray beard.

"Dr. House, in emergency circumstances we don't normally question claims of family relations, but we have a situation now where some decisions need to be made about this child you're claiming to be your adopted daughter. Her mother is still in the middle of a dangerous surgical procedure, and can't be consulted. You and Dr. Cuddy aren't married…" he trailed off waiting for House to say something, but he didn't. "It is a bit of an unusual situation."

"What do you want from me?" House said. His internal debate about how he was going to support his lie or whether he should just come clean was already raging. He realized he could've just told them he was Cuddy and Rachel's doctor. That one was true enough and he wouldn't be going through all of this right now. Why hadn't he done that?

"I want you to meet with hospital council and establish paternity. And I want you to do so quickly because it is very likely that Rachel is going to need surgery very soon—"

House cut him off. "She has a bleed in her brain, you open her up and she'll die." His own words rang in his ears and stung in a way that arguing over a diagnosis with his team, or delivering bad news to a patient, never had.

Before Wiese or Mathews could say anything, the door to the office swung open and a woman balancing a cup of coffee in one hand and Rachel's patient file in the other hurried into the room. "Sorry I'm late," she said from behind House. "I haven't had a chance to read the file yet, but—" She stopped short when House turned around.

"Stacy," House sounded like he might choke on her name. She blinked like she wasn't quite sure where she was or what was happening. Wiese and Mathews exchanged a look. "Greg?" She looked around the room and then back down at House.

"You two know each other?" Mathew's said.

Stacy nodded. "Would you excuse us?" She said. She reached down and grabbed House's elbow, nearly yanking him out of the chair and pulling him into the hallway.

"Stacy—" House started but she cut him off.

"What are you doing here?," She demanded. "I get called in on my day off to settle a dispute of a question of guardianship over a minor…isn't it enough that you lie and break all the rules at your own hospital but now you come all the way up here to do it in mine?"

He shook his head. "I didn't know you worked here," he said, not making eye contact with her. He knew he was going to have to convince her to put everything behind them and lie for him. Actually, despite the shit storm he was about to face from her, it was a lucky break for him that she was here.

"Really?" She said. "So then you really are the adoptive father of…" She paused and opened the file. She read the name silently to herself and then paused before reading it again aloud. "Rachel _Cuddy_?"

House nodded. He still refused to meet her bewildered glare. "Cuddy adopted her last year, it was just finalized this week," he told her. "I thought Wilson might've told you."

She shook her head. "I haven't spoken to him since I left." She blinked again. She had a flood of questions and was unsure of where she should start. "What's she doing here?"

"Cuddy…" House shook his head. "They were in a car accident this morning. Cuddy's in surgery and Rachel…" he waved his hand at the file. He could feel his calm reserve wearing thin.

Stacy skimmed over the file. She had no idea Lisa was here. She closed it and looked back up at House who still would not look her in the eye. The next question she was certain she didn't want to know the answer to, but she asked anyway. "What's this got to do with you?"

House opened his mouth to answer her but wasn't sure what to say. "She…" he shook his head. She what?

"Obviously that child is not your daughter; why are you lying to them?" Stacy shot at him.

"_Obviously?_ Why is that obvious?" He asked before he could stop himself.

Stacy was taken aback. "Are—are you and Cuddy…"

House looked up at his ex-lover for the first time. He gave her the slightest nod confirming what she would've thought to be an impossibility until now. "I know you probably haven't forgiven me, and I'm sure this isn't going to make things any easier, but I need you to help me."

"Help you lie?"

"Yes."

Stacy shook her head. "What's going on with Lisa?"

"I have no idea, because they won't tell me," he hissed, flinging his arm toward the office. "Go in there and tell them—"

Stacy held her hand up cutting him off. "I'm not going to lie for you," she said. "I will tell them the truth about what's going on and try to convince them to let you stay. That's it."

He opened his mouth to argue with her but she turned away from him. "And I'll try to find out what's happening with Lisa. You should get back to the baby." She swung open the door to Mathews' office.

House stood still waiting to see if Stacy would reemerge with good news for him, or if security would be along to drag him out of the hospital any second but neither happened. He walked back to the elevator and spotted Wilson on the phone in the waiting room. He pressed the elevator up button and rode it back to the sixth floor intensive care. He passed a nurse who was on the phone and eyed him closely but nodded that he could go on in.

House hesitated. This was not where he wanted to be. He pushed open the door anyways and tried not to look at her. He had no experience with this sort of thing; sitting by the bed waiting for something to happen. He walked to the foot of her bed and picked up her chart again. He skimmed through the top two pages and frowned. There was no mystery here. Which meant there was very little he could do for her that her doctors weren't already doing. He flipped another page.

A few seconds later the door opened and Wiese walked through with Stacy close behind him. House closed the chart but didn't hand it over when Wiese reached his hand out for it.

The younger doctor shook his head. "You didn't have to lie to us," he said.

House shrugged. "I needed to see her," he said. "If I'd have said Cuddy was my boss, or even my fiancé but that I had no legal rights to that kid, I'd still be sitting in the waiting room."

Stacy's mouth dropped a little. "Fiancé?"

House rolled his eyes, "No she—it was rhetorical. I'm just saying..."

Wiese took the chart out of House's hand and flipped it open. "I thought you'd want to know Dr. Cuddy is out of surgery now." House broke out of Stacy's deadpan stare and turned back to Wiese. He was about to ask where she was but he was cut off. "Her surgeon said everything went as expected, they believe they've stopped the bleeding—"

"They _believe_?"

"And she should be awake in about 30 minutes or so. Once they've examined her they will call down here and someone will take you up to see her."

House looked back over at Rachel. He wanted to argue, he wanted to order him to take him to her right now, but between his own exhaustion and fear of what he would encounter when he did see her and the warning stare from Stacy telling him he was very close to wearing out his welcome, House just stopped and sat down in the chair next to her bed.

Wiese stepped over to him, "I didn't recognize you when you first came in, but I know you're name Dr. House and I know your reputation. It could never hurt having you here, but you have to understand something—"

"You're not looking for a diagnosis," House finished for him. "I know."

"We just have to wait and see right now." House nodded. "I have to go check on another patient but then I'll be back and I'd like to talk to you about Rachel's birth parents. In the mean time, we need you to sign some guardianship papers and that sort of thing." House had been nodding but only half listening. When Wiese left, Stacy took a seat next to House.

She cleared her throat and watched him watching Rachel for a few tense moments before opening the file she had with her. "The hospital is granting you temporary medical proxy over Rachel if and when her mother is unable to make decisions on her behalf. It's limited guardianship though. All decisions have to be made in conjunction with her medical team, you don't have free reign to take over…" She stopped when she realized he wasn't paying attention to her at all. "Greg?"

He looked up at her. "This is insane," he said. "I shouldn't even be here right now. I'm no good at playing the let's wait and see game. She's not even my kid." That last part came out a little more pained than he had intended.

Stacy closed the file and folded her hands in her lap. "How serious is this thing with Lisa?"

His eyes were locked on the floor at his feet. "Pretty serious," he said sadly. "I wanted to marry her, I asked her but…" He ran his hand down his face and leaned back in the chair. "But she didn't want to marry me."

Stacy stared at him in silence, unsure of what to say. Finally she took the paper s out of the file again and handed them to House. "Sign it Greg. This isn't the time for you to start questioning your place in life. Lisa trusts you, that's all that matters."

House shook his head. He stared at Rachel and cursed himself for not being there. Stacy leaded closer and touched his arm. "If something happens—"

House snatched the papers and a pen from her hand, scribbled his name at the bottom and all but tossed them back at her. "Fine, there you go." He jumped out of the chair and grabbed his cane. "I'm going to find Cuddy."

"You can't," she called after him. He stopped at the door and drummed his fingers against the metal frame.

"Are you and Mark still together?" he asked her. He wasn't quite sure where that came from but it wasn't lost on him that she had been more understanding and accommodating than he expected she would be, or even should be.

"Yeah we are," she said. "We have a son." This surprised him. He turned back around to face her and leaned his back against the door.

"Does he know—"

"He knows everything," she said.

"And he forgave you?"

She nodded. "Eventually. He decided that the mistakes we made in our past weren't worth what he had to lose if he kept on hating me." House took a deep breath and leaned his head back against the door. "You made the right choice Greg. If there was ever any doubt that asking me to leave wasn't the right thing to do…it was. For both of us."

House swallowed. "It was the right thing for you. I'm still alone."

"That's clearly not true," she said. "And if you weren't so busy indulging your own self-pity maybe you could see that."

He opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out. He gestured to Rachel's little frame lying in the bed. "I'm no good at this kind of thing," he finally said. "Worrying, sitting around holding her hand. That's Cuddy's thing not mine."

"Yeah but Cuddy isn't here right now." Stacy smiled at him in a way that she always did, a way that seemed to end an argument with her as the victor. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand. "You have always owed her so much. Maybe it's time to start paying some of that back?"

House stared at her. It was remarkable how similar the two women he'd loved in his life were to each other in some ways and such polar opposites in others. Her presence was disruptive; only because she was one of only a handful of people he could usually count on to tell him the truth about himself, and more than that, she was able to do it without making him feel like a complete and total ass. But there was a different feeling to her now. Closure perhaps.

He gave he a brief nod of compliance and as she stepped around him to leave one of the nurses tapped on the door. "Sorry, Dr. House. Dr. Wiese asked me to come and get you. Dr. Cuddy's awake."

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tbc...


End file.
